Color by Numbers
by andquitefrankly
Summary: Sequel to Color Me Mine. Thorin and Bilbo have grown up and grown apart. They have their own lives: family, work, friends. But when Bilbo becomes Kili's kindergarten teacher, the name Baggins begins to sound very, very familiar.
1. Desert Sand

"Don't you find it – well, odd?"

Gandalf gave him a look that conveyed that he did not find it odd in the least. Bilbo sighed, running a hand through his honey curls. He stepped further into the house, eyes flitting everywhere, not settling on a single spot.

It was strange to return to his childhood home. He suddenly felt five years old all over again, his paintings taped to the wall, his father in the garden and his mother calling him in for lunch. Now, the house was empty, vacated by its last owner some months earlier.

Bilbo found it all rather suspicious if he was being honest with himself. Gandalf swept his way back into his life, nattering on about his retirement, and suddenly Bilbo found himself with Gandalf's old position, playing Kindergarten teacher to the same school he had given four years of his early educational life to. And now here he was in the house that had been his home for those same years. What did Gandalf do? Threaten the previous owners?

"I don't know, Gandalf," Bilbo finally said, flapping his arms against his side anxiously. "It's rather big for just me."

"Nonsense!" Gandalf exclaimed, putting his arm around the younger man. "You said you wanted someplace just like your old house. And I have delivered."

Bilbo huffed, maneuvering his way out of Gandalf's grasp. "I didn't literally mean my childhood home. I meant someplace… familiar, I suppose."

Gandalf was silent, a pensive look on his face. "This is familiar."

"Homey, small, something comfortable," Bilbo continued. "I can't buy this house, Gandalf. I cannot and I will not. End of discussion." Bilbo nodded his head in affirmation.

* * *

Thorin was in that state between sleep and awake, where he knew in the back of his mind it was probably in his best interest to get out of bed, but he was so warm and comfortable, he couldn't help but lay there for a few minutes more. And if it hadn't been for his loud and boisterous nephews, he would have.

But in they dashed, slamming his bedroom door open and jumping atop him, all squeals and giggles. "Wake up!" Kili cried, putting his grubby hands on Thorin's cheeks and trying to open his eyelid. Thorin merely grunted, even as Fili rolled on his back.

"Uncle," Fili pouted, taking a spot beside Kili and moving Thorin's hair out of his face. Both boys leaned forwards, heads pressed against one another, glaring at their sleeping uncle.

Suddenly Thorin opened his eyes and both boys shrieked as Thorin let out a yell, picking up his nephews and hugging them close to his chest. Fili and Kili kicked and squirmed, trying desperately to get out of his reach, but it was to no avail. They were trapped.

"Stop wasting time," Dis scolded, standing in the doorway. Thorin let his nephews go and the boys hopped out of bed, placing sloppy kisses on Thorin's face as they ran out of the room, shoving each other.

Thorin sat up, running a hand through his messy hair, blinking at his sister. "God, what time is it?" he asked, yawning loudly.

"It's the first day of school," Dis said instead, wrinkling her nose as Thorin sat up, baring his naked chest. "Get dressed."

* * *

"Stand still," Thorin muttered as he fidgeted with the camera Dis had thrust into his hands. She had bought one of those new ones recently and Thorin couldn't figure out what half those buttons did.

The camera lifted to his eye, he used his other hand to motion the boys together. Fili was half carrying Kili, his shirt pulled up to reveal his tummy. Thorin grinned as he told them, "Say pterodactyl."

Kili struggled heartily with the word while Fili laughed at him. Thorin took the picture and the boys jumped atop him once more, fighting one another to get a clear look. Thorin held the camera above his head and handed it off to Dis. "Get these beasts off of me," he gruffed.

Dis swatted him, kneeling to show her boys. "This is actually good," she said.

"Shut it," Thorin responded, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He ran a hand over his stubble, cringing at the feel of it. Maybe he shouldn't have skipped the shave that morning. "And Vallis still sleeping?"

"There was a car crash down on Main around midnight," Dis told him. "He didn't get in till two."

Thorin nodded, biting into a piece of stale bread. He spit it out with a grimace as Dis laughed. "Don't forget you're taking the boys to school."

"Why me?"

"Because unlike you, I have a real job."

Thorin laughed at that. "I have a very important job."

"Uncle!" Kili cried, standing in the doorway wearing Thorin's uniform jacket. "I'm a forest ranger just like you!" He spun around in a circle, the green sleeves flapping in the air as Fili stepped on one of the sleeves, causing Kili to fall. "Hey!" he yelled, picking himself up off the floor and tackling his brother.

A flash interrupted the scene and Dis showed Thorin the amusing photo of her boys wrestling in the hall. Thorin grabbed his keys before pulling the boys apart. "Alright monsters. Time for school!"

The boys scrambled off one another, running towards Thorin's beat up station wagon. "Shotgun!" Fili cried.

"You're in the back," Thorin told him, opening the back door.

Dis kissed each boy on the cheek as she buckled them in. Patting the driver's door, she leaned into the window and told Thorin, "Make sure to put out all forest fires today, big bro."

"I will bite you."

Dis cackled as they drove away.

* * *

Bilbo sat in his classroom, head in hands.

He bought the house.

He wasn't quite sure how Gandalf had done it, but done it he had. Bilbo found himself signing the papers and holding the keys to the house he had lived in over twenty years ago not two days before. Of course Gandalf had convinced him. The man was practically a wizard.

Looking at the clock, Bilbo rose and headed towards the playground, grabbing his sign with: **K-1, Mr. Baggins**, written in large letters.

Now was not the time to worry about his own personal issues. Though he knew the moment he told his mother, she'd laugh for hours. She'd probably be at his doorstep by the end of the day, demanding he let her help him move in. And then she'd drag his poor father along and Aule knew he'd lose himself in trying to rebuild the garden.

The sound of high pitched screams greeted Bilbo as he stepped into the courtyard where dozens of boys of all ages ran around, dirtying their school clothes. He glanced at his fellow teachers who already looked harried and tired. It was going to be a long school year.

Glancing at his watch once more, Bilbo felt he'd give his students a few more minutes before he started wrangling them in. Planting his sign into the dirt, Bilbo took a step back and watched the children.

They had revamped the playground since he had attended all those years ago. The woodchips had been replaced with a giant rubber mat, and the metal and wooden slide, swings, bridges, and monkey bars had been torn down to make way for a more child friendly plastic monstrosity. Bilbo wasn't usually nostalgic, but he was saddened by this.

He had some wonderful memories of his times on this playground.

Bilbo blushed at that thought, coughing awkwardly despite being alone.

It was then he spotted two boys with long hair put up into sloppy ponytails, one with blonde hair, the other a brunette, hop out of an old car. The blonde, the eldest no doubt, nodded at the driver and waved goodbye as the car pulled away. He then pulled on his brother's hand (it must be his brother), leading him towards the line of teachers.

The boys whispered amongst themselves before the younger one stepped forward and headed straight towards Bilbo. "Hi," the boy greeted, a smile plastered on his face. "I'm Kili!"

He extended his hand and Bilbo felt obligated to take it. "I'm Mr. Baggins, Kili," Bilbo told him. "I don't suppose you're in my class…" Bilbo grabbed his class list and scanned it, eyes falling on the name: Kili Lombard.

Bilbo smiled down at the boy. "Yes, you are. Welcome to K-1." Kili waved at his brother who merely huffed, walking towards his own teacher.

"Mr. Boggins?" Kili asked, hands playing with the straps of his backpack.

"Baggins," Bilbo corrected, tutting silently at the state of Kili's laces. The boy was bound to fall over himself. He was going to teach shoe tying right off, Bilbo thought to himself.

Kili nodded. "Mr. Baggins," he amended. "Are we gonna learn about dinosaurs?"

"Dinosaurs?" Bilbo asked. "Not today."

"I love dinosaurs," Kili mumbled.

"Maybe later in the year," Bilbo reassured him, just as one of the older teachers began blowing a whistle, calling the children to line. Kili soon got lost in the shuffle of the other thirteen boys in his class.

Later that night, once Bilbo was tucked in bed, drifting off to sleep in what was once his parent's room, he couldn't help but find Kili's face, and love for dinosaurs, rather familiar.

* * *

**Author's Note: **And we are back! I'm really excited for this story, may I just say. I've got a lot of ideas and I've semi/planned them out. I've had this chapter on my computer for at least a month. So I've been preparing. Enjoy!


	2. Wild Blue Yonder

Thorin stood at the printer, hands on his hips, glaring at the temperamental machine. He would give it a good swift kick if he was certain Beorn wasn't going to suddenly burst into the office and send him out on garbage duty.

With school back in session, the park would be emptier than usual, relieving the regular park goers from the shrieking children and crowded paths. That also meant that there was a rush the day before to have as much fun as possible before school officially started, and most of the picnic areas were a mess. Thorin knew he'd have to go out there eventually, but for now, he was hiding.

He got enough grief from his siblings about his job. He didn't need a cleanup assignment to mull over how right they actually were.

Not to say he didn't like his job; he loved it. But his sister was a curator at the Erebor Art Museum and her husband, Vallis, was an anesthesiologist in intensive care. Plus his damned brother was a mechanical engineer. Compared to them, Thorin was frolicking through the fields picking daisies and weaving flower crowns for bunny rabbits.

He'd like to see them put out a fire or keep their cool when confronted with a bear. Not that Thorin ever confronted a bear. But he was trained in those types of scenarios so he knew what to do _if_ that should ever occur.

Why he suddenly changed degrees halfway through school, his family didn't quite understand. Especially when it was from paleontology to environmental science. He argued they weren't all that different.

The number of jokes that he was the butt of were plentiful.

But he woke up one day and felt that as much as he wanted to discover a brand new dinosaur – luckily, his childhood obsession of dinosaurs grew into a healthy interest in discovery – he felt that he could do some greater good in this world doing something else. He wandered Erebor Park one morning after a night of tossing and turning and breathed in the crisp, fresh air.

He felt like he could spend the rest of his life on these mountains, hike the trails, preserving nature and protecting wildlife. It was then that he decided. And if he had an inkling in the back of his mind of a childhood promise, then that was his own secret.

So here he was, working as a forest ranger at Erebor Park – all 762 square miles. The entire park was his office, his domain. And he loved every minute of it, despite how many times his younger siblings teased him.

Thorin got to spend his days doing what he loved most: discovering. Whether it was a through the eyes of a child or with his fellow colleagues, he honestly had the best job in the world.

But right now, he felt like throwing the damn printer out of the window, consequences be damned.

"Durin!" came a bellow and Thorin cringed, hurriedly pressing the power button on the printer, hoping it'd suddenly remember how to work and he could make a mad dash out of there. Unfortunately, fate was not on his side. Beorn stormed into the office, a giant smile in place.

The man wrapped his bear like arm around Thorin, knuckling his head with the other hand. "I've found you," he laughed as Thorin shoved him aside. "I've got a job for you."

Thorin might be considered a large man compared to most people, but Beorn was a giant among men. And he enjoyed riling Thorin up. "Good morning," Thorin grumbled, just as the printer came to life. Beorn turned his attention to the image slowly coming to life. "Shut up," Thorin threatened, not wanting to hear how precious his boss thought he was.

"It's the Durin cubs," Beorn nearly squealed. He had a soft spot for the boys, allowing them to climb all over him like a jungle gym. The first time Thorin introduced his nephews to his boss, he was admittedly hesitant. Beorn looked like he ate small children for breakfast.

Of course, Beorn was the type of fellow who doted on small children despite his rough exterior. The same could be said for Thorin. Or anyone Thorin was friends with.

Which was why it was always a surprise when people snuck a peak into the Erebor Park offices and saw a wall filled with images of small children right behind Thorin's desk. Truthfully, most of them were of Fili and Kili, sometimes with their friends, but others were of the kids who'd taken Thorin's adventure and wildlife class. The wall of pictures melted the hearts of all single mothers and not so single ones. The amount of dates Thorin had been asked out on could not be counted without a heavy duty calculator.

The picture being printed out now was one Dis had taken of the boys the day before while they spent their last day of summer at Dwalin's pool. Dwalin was in the background, making a face, while Thorin and the boys were showing off their muscles to the camera.

It was a bit beefcake, but the expressions of the boys was too precious that he could just pretend he wasn't in the photo at all. Besides, it was proof that he wasn't just randomly stalking his nephews. Taking the photograph and looking for a blank piece of wall, Thorin thought maybe it was a bit much. He could take a few photos down but… well he liked them all too much.

"Cubs in school?" Beorn asked, starting the coffee machine.

Thorin nodded. "Kili starts kindergarten today." He grabbed a piece of tape and decided to tape the photo to his computer monitor. He grinned to himself.

Perfect.

* * *

Bilbo wasn't sure when he decided to go into teaching. He was never particularly drawn to it.

When he was a child he was certain he'd become a famous painter, like Manet or Rembrandt. His mother had bought him a beret for his seventh birthday because he had told her that all the great artists wore them. He wore it everywhere for two weeks before a strong gust of wind came and took his beret with it.

Belladonna bought him another one but made Bilbo promise to wear it only when he was painting.

Bilbo always liked his teachers. They were smart and reasonable and were always willing to talk to him when he was having trouble with school work. It also probably helped that his parent's closest friend was a teacher himself.

There were plenty of evenings spent on the front porch, listening to Gandalf and his mother chat away. He always had wonderful stories to tell of his students, and perhaps that's when Bilbo decided that teaching was just as glamorous as being a painter.

And Bilbo was glad for it.

Sometimes running a classroom of over excitable five year olds could get stressful, but Bilbo found it to be fun. Children were so open to learning. Their questions were endless, their smiles refreshing, their eagerness motivating.

Tidying his once organized classroom, Bilbo decided to do a bit of shopping on his way home. He could do with a few more books for the boys. And perhaps a few for himself. Either way, he'd drop by the bookstore, and perhaps buy some tea while he was there.

* * *

Thorin was pleased to know that the picking up of his nephews was not his responsibility. Considering how he was bullied into the job that morning, he thought it was only right Frerin had to pick up the monsters.

He should have known that when his sister asked him to spend the night, it was only so he could play chauffeur to the heathens. Though he did get to give the boys a pep talk. And managed to get Fili to promise not to just abandon his brother on the playground like Thorin did on Frerin's first day of school. The spanking he got made sure he never forgot that family came before throwing rocks at pigeons with his friends.

He stretched as he stepped out of his car, patting the old station wagon affectionately as he slammed the door shut, heading towards his favorite bookstore. He felt like spoiling his nephews.

* * *

When Bilbo was a boy he used to run into the child section of bookstores, crawling under tables and nabbing books, squirreling away in some corner as he lost himself in a world of bright colors and anthropomorphic animals.

Even now he felt an overwhelming ease fall upon him as he stepped into the child section, the painted trees on the walls and the colorful rugs reaffirming Bilbo's belief that reading was the greatest world builder. He pushed in chairs and lifted books and toys onto the tables out of habit as he made his way to the picture book aisle.

He was hoping they had the pigeon books. He always seemed to lose those, and his students loved those books. Something about that rascally pigeon just drew them in.

Humming along to the music playing over the speakers, Bilbo browsed the books, hips swinging slightly in tune to the song. He paused every so often, picking a book and browsing it. He never quite read it because he liked to be as surprised as the students.

"Julie, Julie, Julie, do you love me," Bilbo sang along, pausing a moment to laugh at a book with a horrible looking creature on the cover. "My Teacher is a Monster," he read, chuckling to himself and adding it to his growing pile, returning to singing and swaying.

He went through the books, dancing theatrically, yet modestly down the rows. Seeing as he was completely alone, he didn't see a reason to restrain himself. After all, choosing books for his boys was probably going to be the highlight of his week.

"Are you thinking of me?" Bilbo sang, putting his hands to his heart and shaking his shoulders, making a pouty face as he grabbed a book, turning around to add it to his pile only to look dead in the eyes of a stranger.

Bilbo yelped, dropping the book completely and stumbling backwards, nearly knocking over the bookshelf. "The Green Lady's knickers!" Bilbo blurted, adrenaline coursing through his veins as he stared at the bearded stranger who merely stared back.

"I'm sorry," the man finally said as he knelt to pick up the book Bilbo dropped. He graciously handed it over, chuckling at the cover. "My nephews love those books," he tried, pointing at the dirty pigeon on the cover.

Oh dear, he was trying small talk. Now was not a good time for small talk. Please go away, Bilbo's eyes screamed. "Yes," Bilbo responded, accepting the book.

They looked at one another just a little bit longer, ears tinged pink.

Bilbo coughed. "Yes, well, thank you."

"I am sorry, I should have let you know I was here," he tried, no doubt attempting to make Bilbo feel better. It didn't work. At all. The anguish that was bubbling up in Bilbo was too much.

"No, it's fine," Bilbo muttered, gathering his books and getting the hell out of dodge. Did he really say the Green Lady's knickers? Oh, Aule strike him down from shame.

* * *

Frerin laughed hysterically over the phone. "Oh Mahal, Thorin. Only you would scare a poor man out of his wits in a bookstore."

Thorin grumbled as he struggled with his car keys. "He was dancing, Frerin. What was I suppose to do?"

"Dance with him?" Frerin suggested.

Thorin sighed, running a hand through is hair. "I never should have told you." He should have just not answered his phone. He could hear Fili and Kili screaming in the background.

He finally managed to get the door open and threw himself into the car.

"Brother," Frerin asked.

"What?"

"Was he at least cute?"

Thorin ended the call and threw his phone in the back seat of the car. He really didn't like his brother at all.

* * *

**Author's Note: **AUGH! They've met! So the song Bilbo was dancing to was Julie, Do You Love Me by Bobby Sherman. That song would make me dance in a bookstore without shame. Bilbo, you gotta own it. The books that he's looking for (pigeon books) are totally real. They're by Mo Willems and I love them to death, as does my little sister. She memorized the ones I bought for her. And now my mama bear calls me pigeon because... well... I am literally that pigeon. If you know any small children, I highly recommend them. Also the monster book is also real. I haven't read it, but it looks cute.

Also, I just wanted to let you know this takes place... 25-30 years after their kindergarten wedding. So they're in their early to mid 30s. Who else loves sappy forest ranger Thorin? He's basically a big, awkward, marshmallow. With a beard.

I think... that is all! Yay! If I'm a little behind on reviews, I apologize. I'm backlogged and a little spacey, so I apologize. But your excitement and enthusiasm is great! It keeps me going, so thank you! Also, WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET THE BOTFA TRAILER AM I RIGHT?!

Aardvark!


	3. Spruce

Bilbo banged his head against his steering wheel. The Green Lady's knickers? _A-plus cursing right there, Baggins_.

That was it. He was never going to return to The Lonely Bookstore ever again. He'd just have to find a new bookstore. Somewhere a little closer to home. Somewhere he can never run into the tall, dark, stranger ever again.

Yes. Perfect plan.

Bilbo let out a breath in attempt to calm his nerves. He could do this. Simple. He glanced briefly at the books he had bought in a rush, the ones he tossed onto his passenger street. He didn't even get a chance to fully consider his purchases. Chances are he bought some terrible books.

A knock on his window drew Bilbo out of his mind. He accidentally punched his horn, causing him to flinch at the sound.

Gandalf merely waggled his fingers in greeting. Bilbo begrudgingly lowered his window.

"Yes?" he asked.

"How was your first day, my boy?"

Bilbo rolled his window back up and resumed banging his head against the steering wheel. Gandalf could stand in his driveway all day for all Bilbo cared.

* * *

"Tell them about the guy in the bookstore," Frerin offered up as dinner conversation starter.

Thorin knew he should have just kept his mouth shut.

His family all looked up at him from across the dinner table, catching him as he tried pushing the broccoli off his plate and onto his napkin.

A smile slowly spread across Dis' face. "Did you meet someone?" she asked, eyebrow raised as if it were cluing in on juicy gossip. So involved in Thorin's barely living love life, she didn't notice her boys copying their uncle in their attempts to get rid of their broccoli.

"I did not meet anyone," Thorin replied, looking sternly at Fenrir.

"Because you didn't ask for his number," Frerin argued. He pushed his plate aside to put up his elbows. "So get this – "

"Please don't," Thorin tried, but Frerin ploughed on, retelling the story as if he had been there himself.

"What did he yell again?" Frerin asked, tears of laughter streaming down his face.

Thorin looked to the ceiling and asked Mahal what he did to deserve this. "Green Lady's knickers," Thorin growled.

The entire family burst into laughter – Fili and Kili more so because everyone else was doing it – as Thorin stabbed at his pork cutlet. "How was school?" Thorin asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Oh, come on," Dis chuckled. "You've got to admit, it's funny."

It was not funny. Thorin nearly gave the man a heart attack. He was rather certain the man would have toppled over a bookcase had the bookcases not been so sturdy. The look of utter fright on his face was – familiar. Thorin shook his head.

"School?" he repeated, catching Kili trying to squash his broccoli in his napkin. Kili gave him a guilty smile, carefully placing the broccoli back on his plate.

"It was fine," Fili answered, staring pointedly at his own uncle. There was no hiding anything from this kid. Thorin slowly forked up a piece of broccoli and shoved it into his mouth. "Yuck," Fili responded, scrunching up his face in disgust, shoving his broccoli away. Kili copied him.

"Gotta eat your vegetables, kiddo," Vallis told them.

Kili sniffed his veggies. Nope. He most certainly wasn't going to eat that. Not today. Vallis shot Thorin a pleading look. Thorin sighed. "Yum," he said with forced cheer.

"We're not dumb, Uncle," Fili responded.

"Yeah," Kili echoed.

"How was school?" Thorin tried again, this time looking at Kili.

He beamed, bouncing up and down in his seat. "COOL!" Kili exclaimed. "Mr. Boggins is really nice and he has a pet turtle named Smeagol and we can play with him only during recess except he's mean and likes to bite except he didn't bite me he bit Gimli. Gimli's in my class! He was supposed to be in the other class but he got moved over and now I have a friend which is good because I thought I was going to be all alone. We played games and went over the alphabet and I knew it better than everyone else cause you taught it to me, remember Ma? And Mr. Boggins gave me a sticker cause I was soooo good." Kili smiled at them all, finally taking a breath, pointing to the smiling bear sticker on his shirt.

His family just stared at him in amazement. "Yeah? Well we have a class bunny!" Fili blurted out, not wanting to be left out.

"Do not!" Kili shouted, which erupted an argument between the boys. Thorin downed his cranberry juice, hoping to wash away the taste of broccoli, glad for once that his nephews were fighting, if only because they took the attention off of him.

* * *

Boxes upon unopened boxes still lay untouched in every room, scattered and precariously stacked, wobbling every time Bilbo walked past. Bilbo sighed softly as he picked up another box and set it on his kitchen table.

He never realized he had so much stuff until he had to put it all away in boxes. Throwing things away was not an option, and so Bilbo found himself boxing up paintings from his childhood, papers from university, movie stubs from first dates, and old sweaters that didn't fit him now, but didn't want to get rid of. He even found an old stuffed dinosaur toy he recalled an old friend had given him when he moved away.

Bilbo couldn't remember his name, but he recalled being rather enamored of the little boy. Bilbo had blushed as a rush of memories surged back. Oh dear, he really had been in love, hadn't he.

But now that all his belongings were strewn about his new home, he couldn't be arsed to unpack a single box. He didn't want to do this alone. All those memories and not a single one to share with anyone.

He could call his mother. The Valar knew she'd be here before he could hang up the phone, but he wanted to do this alone. He wanted to set up his home before his mother could swoop in and poke fun and laugh at his sentimentality. He really hadn't meant to buy the house but Gandalf was so damn persuasive.

And speaking of Gandalf, that old meddler dropped by for a cup of tea and dashed right back out, not even blinking as Bilbo told him of the stranger who had caught him dancing like an idiot at the bookstore. The job was fine. The job he could handle. Gandalf didn't have to worry about that.

What Gandalf – what everyone – should worry about was his damn love life. Or rather, lack thereof. Bilbo had always had bad luck in love.

When he was fifteen he went out with a boy who was dating him because of a bet. When he was nineteen he fell head over heels for his creative writing professor who had no qualms against cheating on his wife for a student. When he was twenty six his boyfriend would say he had work on Saturday but was actually a gambling addict and spent those days at an underground casino.

There were always a few men who weren't so… horrible. They were though they were devoted. sweet and nice and treated Bilbo well, but Bilbo could never find himself falling in love with them.

So here he was, thirty three years old, single, living completely alone, and making a fool of himself in public. And in front of a handsome man too.

Bilbo grabbed his pen knife and stabbed his box open. Stabbing was very good for frustration. He was certain he had read that somewhere.

* * *

Thorin threw his wrinkled uniform into a laundry basket, happy to be home after a long three days at his sister's house. He loved Dis, and he loved the boys, but three days was too long away from the nice and quiet of his home.

He opened the fridge and pulled out a beer, throwing himself onto the couch. He deserved it. Especially with having to put up with Frerin and his teasing. No matter how old Thorin got, his siblings were still as annoying as ever.

He grabbed the remote and turned on the television, setting the volume low enough to be a soft murmur. Thorin closed his eyes and let himself drift off.

For all the teasing, Thorin felt a little bad for the man in the bookstore. He probably thought he was all alone, and there Thorin was, spying on him.

Spying wasn't the right word. More like… like… caught unawares. What was a person supposed to do in a situation like that? Perhaps he could have coughed or made some noise to inform the man he was there, but to be perfectly honest, Thorin had enjoyed watching him.

A bright flush spread over his chest and neck, barely noticeable beneath his tanned skin. The man had been lost in his own world, enjoying the little things in life. Thorin could never be as free spirited as that. The most free he ever got was hiking the mountains of Erebor.

Up there he could breathe easier. There was no one demanding things of him. He didn't have to be anything he didn't want to be.

And yet there was this small man, clearly pleased as punch to be shopping for books, probably for his own children, though Thorin would easily admit he was slightly jealous. He was a very attractive man, with golden curls and a plump – Thorin opened his eyes, stopping his brain from going any further.

He needed to go to sleep. Right now. Thorin downed his beer and trudged to his bedroom. Sleep. That was what he needed.

* * *

Kili and Gimli sat at their table, enthusiastically listening to Bilbo read a story to the class. Kili was certain that he had found his one true love.

Mr. Boggins was perfect in every single way.

He had a nice smile and read good and gave stickers as prizes and never shouted. Kili wondered how old he'd have to be in order to marry Mr. Boggins. He had to at least be Fili's age. Fili was very grown up compared to Kili.

As Mr. Boggins waved them off, Kili ran to his mother, a wide smile on his face.

"What're you so happy about?" Fili asked, watching his mother buckle Kili into his car seat.

"I'm going to marry Mr. Boggins," he announced.

Fili laughed at Kili. "You can't marry Mr. Boggins."

"Why not?" Kili asked.

"Cause he's a teacher," Fili explained. "And teachers never leave school."

That did make things just a little difficult. But just the same, Kili was determined.

* * *

**Author's Note: **I was going to post this yesterday but I got lazy, and then our internet was crapola for most of today. But I finally got this chapter up!

So I don't think it's the best chapter, but it gets my point across. Writing Thorin is soooo hard. I preferred him as a precious baby. I think we're gonna have our favorite meddling mothers next chapter, but don't hold me to it.

Aardvark!


	4. Cerise

Bilbo understood children. He worked with them daily, so honestly if he didn't understand them he'd be rather bad at his job. He'd been at it for years, knowing just how hard it is to move and leave your friends behind, how to comfort a child whose parents were separating, always finding the perfect solution to a fight. He was practically a genius.

The only situation he had never had experience with, however, was what to do when a student was so clearly enamored of him.

Kili was… enthusiastic.

He had a habit of sticking to Bilbo like glue and while it was certainly charming, it was beginning to be a bit of a problem. The boy had purposefully spilled his paint all over Elladan's self portrait when Bilbo praised the art piece. And it was only the second week of school!

So Bilbo did what he hated doing. He called the parents.

What was he even going to say? "Ah, yes, hello, your son Kili sabotaged another student's art work so I'd pay attention to him. He also proposed to me. Twice."

Bilbo wanted nothing more than to lie on the floor and pray that the whole crush thing blew over. Unfortunately that wasn't possible. The sooner he nipped this in the bud, the better. He like Kili. He was a sweet boy, but he had to be made aware that his actions were not appropriate. Bilbo was his teacher, and should not by any means have favorites.

He hummed to himself nervously, waiting for someone on the other end to pick up.

"Hello?" came the gruff reply and Bilbo sat up in his seat. No sleeping on the job. He just needed to talk to them, that's all. Simple.

* * *

"Yes, hello. Is this the Lombard residence?"

Thorin nodded. He could hear the television playing loudly in the other room, and he put his hand on the mouthpiece as he yelled, "Put that down. You're not deaf." The volume automatically lowered and he grinned in triumph.

"Hello?" the man on the line repeated. "Is this – "

"Yes," Thorin answered. "This is them."

A relieved sigh came over the line and Thorin waited for the man on the line to get on with his business. If this was a telemarketer of some sort, Thorin was going to hang up. He had two rascally children to watch and he didn't have time to deal with some man trying to sell him a new phone service or some aerobic exercise DVD.

"Good evening, Mr. Lombard. I'm Mr. Baggins, Kili's teacher," Mr. Baggins said.

Thorin pulled the phone away from his ear and looked suspiciously at the telephone. His teacher?

Kili ran into the room, pouting as he held tightly to the movie case in his hand. Spying his uncle on the phone, he lit up. "Who is it?" he asked, jumping up and down, trying to grab the phone away from Thorin.

"Stop it," Thorin said, swatting Kili lightly away and holding the phone above his head. "Did you wash your hands?"

"Yeap," Kili replied, holding out his hands for his uncle to examine, the movie tucked under his armpit. "Is it Ma? Is it? Tell her I said hi."

"It's your teacher," Thorin answered, putting the phone back to his ear. Hopefully Mr. Baggins wasn't blabbering on while he was distracted. "Look, I'm sorry about the – "

"Mr. Boggins!" Kili exclaimed. He hopped up and down, trying to climb Thorin.

Thorin put his hand on Kili's head and kept him an arm's length away. "What did you come in here for with that sad face for?" he asked instead, hoping to distract Kili and praying this Boggins was at least doing something to occupy himself, seeing as he couldn't have a decent phone conversation.

Kili looked blankly at Thorin, stopping his struggling. "Oh!" he remembered. "Can we have pizza for dinner?"

"No," Thorin responded. "I already ordered Chinese. I even got those noodles you like so much."

Fili ran into the room, wrapping his arms around Kili. "Uncle, Kili says he doesn't want to watch The Jungle Book."

Kili glared at his brother. That's what the sad face was for. They just had to fight about this. "We always watch The Jungle Book," Kili pouted. "I want to watch Toy Story!" He held out his movie for Thorin to look at.

Thorin groaned. He'd watched both films countless times. "Can't we watch something else?" he practically begged. "Like Iron Giant? Or that El Dorado film. You like those." Anything but Toy Story and The Jungle Book. He'd rather get a root canal than watch those movies for the thousandth time.

"Uncle!" they whined.

Oh god, the unison whine. No. "Give me a moment, please," he spoke into the phone. He set the phone down and lifted both boys by their middle, each dangling from under his arms. They squealed in laughter as they were transported back to the living room.

They were dropped onto the couch and Thorin looked them straight in the eye. "I'm trying to speak on the phone. You two sort this out yourselves," he ordered. "And no yelling or hitting or throwing things. And no name calling. You either decide before I come back or I get to watch the match, while you sit there bored out of your minds, you understand?"

Both boys nodded glumly as Thorin rushed out of the room. He grabbed the phone and asked, "Hello? Mr. Boggins?"

* * *

Bilbo nearly dropped the phone as he heard Mr. Lombard speak into it. "Yes, yes, I'm here," he sputtered, setting aside the lesson plan he was looking over as the man was badgered by his boys.

There was an awkward cough over the line, no doubt Kili's father embarrassed by the lack of conversation they were able to get through. There was a soft thudding, but Bilbo brushed the sound aside. No need to point it all out.

"I really am sorry to disturb you Mr. Lombard," Mr. Baggins continued. "I can tell you're busy, but I did want to discuss Kili's behavior in class today."

"Durin," Thorin replied.

"Pardon?"

"I'm their uncle. Mother's brother," Mr. Durin clarified. "Kili's parents are out at the moment."

"Oh," Bilbo said. He honestly just wanted to quietly discuss Kili's behavior but now it seemed he'd have to try to catch them on Monday when they picked up Kili. "Do you know a good time to call, it really is a quick little thing but I felt it had to be discussed."

Mr. Durin was silent for a brief moment. "You said he was misbehaving?" he asked.

Bilbo nodded, despite the fact that Kili's uncle couldn't see him. "I'm not sure if you're aware, but Kili has developed a bit of an attachment to me."

* * *

A series of moments flashed before Thorin's eyes, each of them involving Kili screaming "Boggins!" at the top of his lungs and then waxing lyrical on the amazingness that was his kindergarten teacher.

Not bearing witness to Thorin's flashbacks, Mr. Baggins continued: "Not that that is worrisome. I find that many young children extend their admiration to their teachers and such, especially when beginning school. Not to say that I encourage it, but Kili really oughtn't be punished for his crush.

"Earlier this afternoon we were painting self portraits – Kili is very talented, I must say – and in a fit of jealousy he purposefully spilled his paints over the art work of a fellow student.

"I had to speak with the young boy's parents when school ended, as he was rather upset, but I did want to discuss with you – well, Kili's parents, actually – about this," Mr. Baggins finished.

Thorin groaned, running a hand down his face. Of course Kili would act out. The boy was practically spoiled at home. "I'm really sorry about that," Thorin said. "I'll make sure to let Dis know."

"Thank you," Mr. Baggins responded. "If I could speak with Mrs. Lombard on Monday, I would very much appreciate it."

"I'll relay the message."

"Thank you very much, Mr. Durin," Mr. Baggins practically beamed over the telephone. "I hope you have a wonderful evening."

"You too, Mr. Boggins," Thorin said before hanging up the phone.

* * *

Bilbo frowned at the telephone. "It's Baggins," he muttered under his breath. "Not Boggins."

* * *

**Author's Note: **This was supposed to go up yesterday but I got distracted so I give you gratuitous fluff, peppered with oblivious losers. You're welcome.


	5. Sunglow

Bilbo grimaced as his mother squeezed his cheeks together, lips puckered like a fish. "You're hurting me," he complained.

Belladonna let him go, swatting away his complaint, used to his whining. As far as she was concerned, Bilbo was still her little baby and no matter how old he got, she was going to fuss over him.

"You've lost weight," she tutted. "Bungo, he's lost weight!" She called out to her husband who was inspecting the dead garden. Belladonna sent him a devoted look before pinching Bilbo's cheek once more. "I'm going to make you a cake."

She bustled past Bilbo, toeing off her shoes as she admired the house she once owned.

Aule above, he was going to get a headache, he just knew it. "Dad," Bilbo called. Bungo looked up from his mental planning. "How 'bout some tea?"

"Brilliant idea," Bungo smiled. He slowly creaked up the steps, ruffling Bilbo's curls as they met at the door. "I can't believe you bought this old place."

"Neither can I," Bilbo muttered.

The two men followed the sound of puttering from the kitchen, only to find Belladonna with her sleeves rolled up and a bowl full of cake batter. "Where's your whisk?"

"What are you doing?" Bilbo asked. Belladonna looked up from her task. She thought it was pretty obvious what she was doing. "You can't just start baking willy nilly!"

Belladonna heaved a motherly sigh and said in slow words, "Bilbo, honey, someone needs to take care of you," and then proceeded to raid his kitchen cabinets.

Bungo clapped his hands together. "How about that tea?" he asked, opening another cabinet.

Bilbo took a deep breath and resigned himself to a day of parental pampering.

* * *

"Define: wanted to speak to me," Dis greeted as she dropped off the boys for their wilderness class.

Fili and Kili were already running around with the other children, getting their jeans muddy and leaves stuck in their hair. It was one of the few times Dis didn't care how dirty they got as Thorin's class usually tired them out so much they were dead on their feet for at least two hours afterwards. The peace and quiet was worth the extra soaking she'd give their clothes.

Thorin scratched at his beard. Once Vallis and Dis got back from their date, Thorin had casually mentioned Mr. Boggins had called and then rushed out, eager to sleep in his own bed for once. She pestered him all morning with phone calls and texts, but Thorin ignored all of them.

If he was feeling really bold, he could just call the class in order, but Dis was a horrible woman who'd find a way to get back at him. And Thorin really didn't want that.

"As in wanted to exchange words," Thorin told her. Alright, so he wasn't above being churlish, but who wasn't with younger siblings?

Dis crossed her arms and raised an unimpressed brow. "Don't start thinking you're cute," Dis said. "Because you're not."

"Look, I have class," Thorin replied, wanting to get out of this conversation as quickly as possible. "I'll tell you afterwards, alright? You can hound me as much as you want then."

Dis merely grunted – a Durin trait, or so it seemed. She was most definitely going to hound him later. "Don't think you'll get out of it because mother's visiting."

"I would never," Thorin said, aghast. As he turned his attention on the hobgoblins running around him, he couldn't help but admit that that was his entire plan.

* * *

"Grandma!" the boys shouted in glee as they spotted Freya sitting on the porch with a cold iced tea in hand. They unbuckled themselves, hopping out of the car before Thorin was able to park.

"Hey!" he yelled at them, but they were already scrambling up the steps, fighting for the first hug.

Freya laughed as she lifted both boys, blowing raspberries onto their cheeks. "You've grown so much!" she exclaimed. She gently set them down as they giggled.

"Look what I found," Kili said as he pulled a long, elongated cone shaped rock from his pocket. "It's a belelelem – a fossil!"

"Belemnite," Thorin told him as he finally caught up with his nephews. "Hi, Ma," he said, bending down to place a kiss on Freya's cheek.

Kili practiced the word under his breath. "Belemenite!" he exclaimed, certain he got it, showing off the fossil to his grandmother.

He was hastily shoved aside as Fili offered up his own fossil for inspection. "I found an ammonite," Fili boasted, knowing he had gotten the pronunciation right. He stuck his tongue out at his brother. His rock had an imprint of the shell and he was quite proud of his find.

The boys began shoving each other and Thorin pulled them apart. "Go get changed," he ordered. The boys scurried off and Thorin sat down in the chair beside his mother.

"Remind me not to have children," Thorin muttered under his breath as he closed his eyes. Finally, a break.

A swat on the arm induced only the laziest of eye openings. He grinned sheepishly at his mother. "You adore those boys."

"I do not," Thorin grumbled, hiding his face behind his hand. He sat up and rubbed his face aggressively. "Where's Da?

Freya poured a glass of iced tea and handed it to her eldest. "Out back with Vallis trying to put together an impromptu barbecue."

"Oh no," Thorin groaned. His dad and brother in-law always got into fights over the best method of barbecuing. The amount of times Thorin had to steal the tongs away from those two was too many to count. In about twenty minutes Frerin was going to run through that door and fetch him to stop the madness. "Why didn't you stop them?" Thorin asked.

"Oi!" Thrain's voice carried over the fence and onto the front porch. "You're not putting those pork fillets anywhere near my burgers, you hear me?"

"Then where am I going to put the corn?"

"Corn! Get those things out of here!"

Frigga patted Thorin on the knee. "I personally think you barbecue the best."

* * *

"It's not funny!" Bilbo blushed, head in his lap as his parents laughed loudly.

They were seated in the backyard, taking advantage of the warm Autumn evening. Very soon it'd be too chilly to just sit outside without a jacket. He had been lighting the fire pit for s'mores when his mother asked how his job was treating him.

So naturally he mentioned Kili and his crush. "The boy destroyed another child's artwork," Bilbo continued, his statement coming out muffled and ignored by his parents.

Bilbo sat up and inspected his marshmallow. It was a bit singed on the edges but still relatively edible. "What was the name of that boy Bilbo married when he was five?" Bungo asked, brushing the cracker crumbs off his chin.

"Thorin," Belladonna remembered brightly. "Thorin Durin. They were so precious."

"Called me Mr. Baggins, he did," Bungo continued. "Looked me straight in the eye and asked for your hand in marriage," he guffawed.

"Dad," Bilbo groaned, staring up at the pink sky, "please, stop."

Belladonna stuck a marshmallow onto her stick and shoved it into the fire. "I bet that's why you've never found anyone, Bumblebee," she said. "Can't find anyone as lovely and charming as your Thorin."

"Thanks for the psychoanalysis, Mum," Bilbo muttered, biting into a piece of chocolate. "But I doubt that's the reason. I'm just very…"

"Picky?" she suggested.

"Over worked," Bungo added.

"Up tight."

"Focused on more important matters," Bilbo finished, glaring at his parents.

"Don't focus too long," Belladonna said. "We want grandchildren."

* * *

Thorin was watching Fili and Kili – high in their tree house – throwing water balloons down onto Frerin when Dis disturbed his view. "Talk," she ordered.

Thorin had been hoping she had forgotten. "I think I'm getting another burger," Thorin said, stepping past her and back towards his parents where Thrain refused to eat the corn.

"It's a barbecue, Freya," Thrain argued. "Meat! It's about the meat."

"Don't think you're going to get away from discussing this, Thorin," Dis yelled after him.

Freya lowered the corn she was trying to force onto her husband and sent Thorin a disappointed look. Thorin avoided eye contact. He may be a grown man but he was still easily affected by that look.

It was the one she sent him when he was eight and left Frerin on the swings while he and Dwalin went to go throw rocks at the ducks. Or the time Thorin was ten minutes late picking up Dis from ballet when he was twelve.

Or the time Thorin punched Vallis when he found out Dis was pregnant.

He knew the power it held.

"What're you arguing about now?" Freya asked.

"Mr. Boggins called last night while Thorin was babysitting," Dis explained. "But _Thorin_ won't tell me why, other than he wants to talk to me about Kili."

"It's nothing bad," Thorin mumbled. "He's just taking his crush a bit too seriously."

"Boggins?" Freya asked. She laughed, suddenly remembering the small boy Thorin was enamored with when he was Kili's age. "Baggins, isn't it?"

"I don't know," Thorin replied. "Kili calls him Boggins."

Freya grabbed Thrain's arm. "Bilbo Baggins, do you remember?" Thrain nodded, happy his children had distracted his mother enough for her to forget all about him eating that corn. "He was precious," she told Dis. "Big hazel eyes and golden curls. Thorin used to sing songs about him."

A red blush stained Thorin's cheeks. "Did not," he replied.

"Thorin proposed to him and everything," she continued. "I think I've still got the pictures somewhere."

Dis cackled in delight as Thorin's blush grew brighter. "Can we stop talking about this?"

"Thorin, you're teddy bear," Dis teased, pinching his cheek.

Thorin swatted her hand away. "Kili threw paint on another student's art work," he blurted out, watching as her smile turned into a deep scowl. He would have felt bad for Kili – after all he was trying to avoid getting the boy in trouble – but it was every man for himself.

Unfortunately, Kili got caught in the crossfire. "Kili! What did you do?" Dis hollered. Kili looked up from his perch and gulped. He was most certainly in trouble.

"You don't think he's married, do you?"

"What?" Thorin asked, finally grabbing that burger.

"Bilbo Baggins," Freya responded. "I'm sure he's just as adorable now as he was then."

"Ma," Thorin said. "I'm certain my childhood crush – "

"Love," Thrain interrupted. "You were quite in love."

Thorin grit his teeth. "Love," he spat, "is happily married with kids of his own, alright? Now pass me the lettuce."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Hey hey. So I was going to finish up this chapter on Monday but then real life things happened and I spent the day staring at the ceiling and eating junk food. And I didn't particularly feel like writing grandparents. BUT I'M FINE NOW. And I had soo much fun writing this chapter. Needless to say Dis is going to meet Bilbo next chapter XD I'm crazy excited about that!

Oh and today is still richard armitage's birthday in my timezone! So... think of this chapter coming out for that occasion. (today is also my mama's bday! except she's in mexico and not answering her phone. mom why! okay thats enough about me). I think that is all.

Aardvark!


	6. Wysteria

In all seven years of being a mother, never had Dis received a word of complaint. Her boys were rambunctious, no doubt about it, but they were sweet and kind, no matter what mischief they created. Therefore it was only natural that a wave of nervousness rushed through her as she parked her car outside the school just as classes were let.

The last thing she wanted was to be lectured on how she was an irresponsible parent, and how that is what had led to her son's life of hooliganism.

When she arrived on the playground the first son she spotted was Fili, hanging upside down from the jungle gym. He waved at her and pointed towards a curly haired man at her questioning look. Beside him sat a rather besotted Kili.

As Dis approached the teacher who could only be Mr. Boggins, seeing as Kili seemed to cling to his every word, she set her face to a stern frown – a Durin family trait – holding out her hand in greeting. "Mr. Boggins?" she asked, slightly surprised by how much smaller Mr. Boggins was in person.

"Mrs. Lombard," he greeted with a smile. "And it's Baggins, actually." He cut a sly look to Kili, a half grin and raised eyebrow making him look younger than his thirty or so years. "Bilbo Baggins."

Dis nodded politely before turning to Kili and saying, "Why don't you go play with your brother. I'm just going to have a word with Mr. Baggins."

Kili hopped down from the bench and took off his backpack, handing it over to his mother. "Don't forget to tell her about my star," Kili told Bilbo seriously.

"I couldn't possibly forget," Bilbo told him. Kili smiled brightly, pink blooming on the tips of his ears before he ran off towards the playground. Bilbo cleared his throat and offered the space Kili had been using up.

Dis graciously accepted, asking, "My brother said you wanted to speak with me."

"Yes, I'm sorry if I've worried you," Bilbo apologized, a finger unbuttoning and rebuttoning the bottom button of his vest. "But Kili isn't in trouble." He paused. "Well not in too much trouble. I did tell your brother on the phone that he was punished accordingly. Nothing cruel."

"He threw paint?"

"Friday afternoon we were working on self portraits," Bilbo explained. "We're using different mediums for each project. The day before that we had used glitter, which I would not recommend but the boys did quite enjoy it, but on this particular day we were using paint. Finger paint, nothing that should stain and they do of course wear smocks so the damage is minimal. I always make sure of that.

"What was I – Oh yes! – and Elladan showed me the painting he had done of himself; it always astounds me how talented they all are. And as I was telling him what a fantastic job he had done, Kili came over to try to show me his self portrait. Naturally I told him he had to be patient as I was with Elladan and then suddenly there was paint on Elladan's painting and Kili stood there with an empty paint container, having had thrown it in a fit of anger," Bilbo finished. He had made little eye contact as he spoke, choosing instead to watch Kili play with his brother.

He faced Dis this time as he continued, the woman still trying to process the teacher's words. "He did have to sit in the timeout corner for fifteen minutes and he cooled down," Bilbo said. "I wrote about the incident only minimally in his take home portfolio and I explained to him that he was not allowed to act out. I am his teacher, not his parent, and even then he must learn that he is not the only boy who deserves or who will receive my attention."

"I'm glad you told me," Dis responded. Kili was always demanding of attention. At home they did nothing but oblige, considering if they didn't he'd scream his head off and neither Dis nor Vallis really wanted the head ache. "He can be a bit much, I know."

"He's a darling boy, Mrs. Lombard," Bilbo smiled. "And I didn't pay much heed to his crush until the incident."

In all honesty, Dis hadn't read the weekly behavior report in her son's portfolio. She usually just signed it and put it back in the folder. She just didn't have the time to sit there and read about what an amazing sharer her children were. Besides, Fili and Kili would tell her all about their day anyhow.

"If it makes you uncomfortable, I can tell him to stop pestering you," Dis said.

"Fancying your teacher as a child is quite natural," Bilbo replied. "I usually have one or two every year. However if we emphasize words over tantrums, then I think Kili will be alright and this whole silly thing will blow over."

The two shook hands and Dis called for her boys who obediently came running. "Ma," Kili shouted as he hugged her legs. "Aren't you proud of me?"

Dis gave him a queer look. Proud? For misbehaving in class?

A small "oh" escaped Bilbo's mouth. "I almost forgot," Bilbo admitted. "Kili was the only boy in class to spell his first and last name without any help so he got a gold star."

Kili unzipped his jacket to show off the sticker on his shirt. Fili tried to rip it off and Kili smacked his hand away. Dis separated the two with ease. "Well thank you, Mr. Baggins," Dis said. "I'll make sure to have a talk with him."

"Bilbo, please," Bilbo replied, pulling a small roll of stickers out of his pocket and taking another gold star sticker and handing it to Fili. "For being a grand big brother," he said with a wink. Fili's face lit up and he eagerly took it, placing it on his right cheek, which only started another squabble.

It wasn't until both boys were sitting in the back of the car, seatbelts in place that Dis realized what he said. "Bilbo Baggins!" she exclaimed. She had half a mind to rush out of the car and question the man.

Could he be the very same Bilbo Baggins her mother had been talking about just two days prior? Oh, what a small world it was if it really was him, and Dis was absolutely positive it was.

* * *

"Ma!" Dis exclaimed over the phone as she washed the dishes. Dinner had just ended and she could hear Vallis in the next room, helping the boys with their homework. "I met him."

"Who?"

"Bilbo Baggins," she continued, scraping at a stubborn grease spot on her favorite pan. "Thorin's puppy love. He's Kili's teacher!"

"Are you certain? It could be a coincidence," Freya noted, but there was a hint of excitement underlying the statement. "What did he look like?"

Dis turned off the faucet, drying her hands on her pants. "Honey curls, big brown eyes, a dimple when he smiles," Dis prattled off. "A little pudgy round the middle, but in all honestly he looked like a cherub."

Freya clapped her hands enthusiastically. "That sounds just like him," she shrieked. "This is marvelous. Is he single?"

"I didn't ask," Dis told her, disgruntled. "How was I suppose to ask that question anyway?"

"We should invite him over for dinner," Freya decided. "We can have another barbecue!"

"Ma, there's such a thing as student – teacher etiquette."

"We'll think of something. I can't die until I know my Thorin is taken care of."

* * *

Thorin treaded up the pathway, the trail slightly muddy from the rainstorm last night. He assessed the damage so far and was glad to see that aside from a few broken twigs, Erebor Park had remained relatively unscathed.

He climbed further up the hill, only to groan in frustration. Apparently they weren't as unscathed as they had thought. He pulled out his radio and said, "Oakenshield to Black Bear."

"Go ahead," Beorn replied.

"We've got a collapsed tree on Ravenhill. Over."

"I'll be there in twenty. Over and out."

Thorin clipped his radio back onto his belt and climbed over the fallen tree, continuing his trek. If there were more down the path, then he could let Beorn know when he showed up.

"Lumberjack to Dumbass, come in Dumbass," Thorin's radio went off. "Over."

Thorin groaned, unclipping his radio and yelling into it, "Dwalin, get off the fucking talkie."

"Over," Dwalin reminded him. Thorin glared at his radio. He really needed to find new friends. Preferably ones who wouldn't induce migraines.

Not that Thorin didn't appreciate Dwalin. Of course he did. They'd known each other since they were fetuses. You didn't get much closer than that. Unfortunately Dwalin thought that meant that he could be as big a pain as possible.

"What do you want?" Thorin asked, heading back towards the fallen tree. The rest of the path seemed clear. "Don't you have to put braces on a poor defenseless twelve year old? Over."

"Not till after lunch," Dwalin admitted. "We've got a lunch date. Don't tell me you forgot. Over."

"Don't call it a date," Thorin told him. "I'm not dating you."

"You wish you could have someone as handsome and charming as me," Dwalin preened.

"Shut up," Thorin said. "And get off the radio. Over and out."

* * *

"I drove all the way up a fucking mountain," Dwalin grumbled, "and all you've got to offer me is cold chicken." He licked his fingers clean, patting his stomach in appreciation.

Thorin threw a napkin at him and Dwalin threw his head back and laughed. "You could have brought your own lunch, rather than stealing mine," Thorin pointed out.

"Not as fun," Dwalin admitted. He leaned back in his chair, staring up at the photographs pinned on Thorin's wall. Smiling faces of kids, family members; a deer seemingly alone in the woods, a woodpecker and its chicks, a picture of an expensive car they had seen at a car show. The photographs filled every inch of wall. "I've been thinking," Dwalin began.

"Stop," Thorin cut him off. "Every time you drop by you stare at my wall, then lecture me about what a lonely old man I am."

"It's cause you _are_ a lonely old man," Dwalin stated matter of factly. "You're living vicariously through your job. It's unsettling."

"I'm fine," Thorin told him. "And you're not any better."

"At least I date," Dwalin pointed out. "You just wallow in despair."

"I'm fine," Thorin repeated. "Just fine."

"Aunt Freya called me," Dwalin told him. "Said I ought to set you up with someone, or she was going to do it herself."

Thorin groaned, bringing a hand to the bridge of his nose. "She's always trying to set me up."

"I hear she's got a teacher in mind this time," Dwalin said. "Better than a dental assistant if you ask me."

"Get out of here," Thorin growled, throwing a chicken bone at him. "Go torture some poor child."

Dwalin stood, cracking his back as he stood. "Gladly."

* * *

**Author's Note:** We are getting so close to these idiots meeting each other. I promise. And when it happens it will be glorious. Also, introduction to Dwalin! He's a dentist. XD I was sitting on the couch thinking up careers for our dwarf babies and the thought of Dwalin as a dentist was really hysterical to me and so it had to be done. Could you imagine coming into a doctor's office and seeing this big burly man who's supposed to fill in your cavities? Yup. I'm still deciding whether I should give him a significant other... *sigh* decisions decisions*

Also! I started a new bagginshield fic! It's called Chocolate Cake (with Buttercream Frosting) and basically Thorin's a hitman. So if you're at all interested, that is a thing that I've started. I'm really excited about it. Um.. that's all I think. :)

Aardvark!


	7. Flamingo Pink: I

Bilbo blinked at Dis, Kili pulling onto his hand, completely oblivious to the anxiousness bubbling within him. "I don't think that I can…" he trailed off, frantically searching for a reason as to _not_ accept the invitation, or at least walk away from this very conversation.

"Please!" Kili begged, swinging Bilbo's hand back and forth, his messy hair falling into his eyes with every sway. "We're going to have hotdogs!" he exclaimed, and then in a quieter voice said, "We didn't have any last time and I had to ask special."

Then he pulled out the pouty lip and puppy eyes. Oh damn it all. Bilbo really wasn't very good at denying puppy dog eyes, despite the fact that he taught six year olds. That wasn't completely true. Blatant manipulation after a child had done something wrong he could withstand. Innocent pleading, not so much.

"You don't _have_ to come," Dis reassured him. "We just thought it'd be nice, especially since it's going to start getting colder soon. I understand that there might be student/teacher boundaries you're concerned about."

Bilbo was so glad she understood. It wasn't that he didn't want to go to their home for a barbecue. But if he went to Kili's house, then he'd have to go to everyone's house and then all his students would lose whatever respect he was able to muster from them. "I'll consider it, thank you," Bilbo said.

Kili jumped up and down in glee, which really broke Bilbo's heart all the more. The boy was too attached to him. If he showed up to his house tomorrow afternoon, Kili was going to start thinking of him as a friend, not a teacher.

That was it. He just wasn't going to go.

* * *

But maybe he should go.

Bilbo rolled over in bed, staring at the clock on his nightstand. It wasn't even seven on a Saturday, and here he was, wide awake. It simply wasn't fair.

He had clearly decided yesterday that he wasn't going to go to the barbecue. He had convinced himself of this fact, and now his brain was flitting about, trying to make him break his own declaration.

First off, Kili was a student and Bilbo was his teacher. He's not supposed to go to Kili's house, eat their food, and schmooze. It just wasn't right. What would Galadriel say if she ever found out! Though considering she was running the school at the time he was attending and Gandalf came to his house plenty of times, it seemed quite likely she wouldn't care at all.

Secondly, Bilbo had a busy schedule. He had to finish weeding the garden before the autumn chill set in and made the ground difficult to work with. He still had several boxes to unpack. He promised his Mother he'd take her apple picking.

Great, he was just coming up with feeble excuses now.

"Are you a Took or a Baggins?" Bilbo asked himself, throwing the covers off of himself and stuffing his toes into his slippers. This was just getting ridiculous.

He had been kindly invited to attend a barbecue. There would be, no doubt, delicious food. And if he had to mingle with Kili and his family, so be it! Was he going to be a recluse for the rest of his life?

* * *

Thorin had had that dream again.

The one where Granddad Thror walked a goat into their yard, handed Thorin a machete, and told him to slaughter the beast. And rather than killing the goat, Thorin tried to shove the goat into the mailbox to send it back home, but the goat refused to budge.

Eventually, he woke up, but Thorin was certain that today was going to be a strange day. Every time he had the goat dream, it was nearly always guaranteed.

"Why don't you ever just slaughter it like you're supposed to?" Dwalin asked him, hauling out a table onto the yard as Thorin followed with chairs. "It's not like you haven't killed an animal in cold blood before."

"Have Fili and Kili been telling stories again?" Thorin asked.

Dwalin nodded, throwing himself into a chair, causing it to creak dangerously. "Said you wrestled a mountain lion last week."

"I have never, nor will I ever, wrestle a mountain lion."

"You're no fun," Dwalin said.

Freya popped her head out the sliding door and shouted, "I need a ride to the shop."

Dwalin and Thorin shared a look. "I can't," Dwalin said. "I've been drinking."

"You have not," Thorin grumbled, tipping over the chair Dwalin was in, taking great glee in the very manly shriek he let out. Dwalin grabbed Thorin's trouser leg and shoved him down with him.

"When you're done wrestling, please," Freya shouted back, heading back into the house, closing the door on their antics.

Dis glanced out the door and rolled her eyes as Thorin pulled Dwalin into a chokehold. "They better not break my chairs," Dis said. "I'll throw them both out, and see how'd they like it."

"Is he coming?" Freya asked, grabbing her purse.

Dis grinned up at her mother. "Yes. Said he'd be delighted," she bubbled. "Though he couldn't stay long."

"Perfect," Freya said, opening the back door once more. "Let's go!" The two men looked up at her, Dwalin sitting on Thorin's back, arm twisted uncomfortably while Thorin tried to shove him off.

* * *

"I don't know why you didn't just get all this stuff on your way over," Thorin complained as his mother piled disposable plates, napkins, and cups into his arms. "Doesn't Dis already have all of this stuff?"

"Yes," Freya said, holding up two different boxes of forks, trying to decide which one she preferred. "But she's got the cheap kind."

"Never bothered you before," Thorin grumbled, searching the aisle for a basket, but finding it devoid of anything helpful.

Freya sighed, looking at her son forlornly. Thorin could only shuffle awkwardly. What was he doing wrong? He was just standing there, holding things like he was supposed to. He was sure passerby were giving him sheepish looks.

Yes, he's doing the shopping with his mother. No, he's not an overgrown manchild.

"I hope you're not wearing that to the barbecue," Freya said after giving him a good once over. "I'm sure you've had that shirt since you were fifteen."

Thorin had not had this particularly tee shirt since he was fifteen. When he was that age he was a gangly teen with a nose too big for his face and feet that he'd trip over every time he so much as stood. He didn't even appreciate Thor as a teen.

Mainly because Frerin would make fun of him. He hated being called Thor. Which was why Fili and Kili had stolen the shirt from him and added an 'I N' to the end of the word. Yes, it looked like children scrawled and destroyed his shirt, but Thorin thought it was sweet. Made the gag gift worth while.

It wasn't like they were expecting company. "You invited someone didn't you," Thorin blurted out, trailing after his mother as she wandered into another aisle.

Freya clicked her tongue, affirming Thorin's fear. "You promised you were going to stop," Thorin hissed.

"I'm going to die without grandkids," Freya said.

"You already have grandkids!" Thorin shouted, turning pink as he realized that the couple a few feet away were staring at him. He knocked his head into a shelf, cursing the goat dream with all his might. "You're also so disgustingly healthy, you'll most likely outlive me," he muttered.

"I just want to see my baby happy," Freya beamed, running a hand through his thick mane. "So on our drive back, we can stop by your place so you can change."

Thorin wanted to hide behind the boxes of laundry detergent and never emerge. How was it, that at thirty five years old, he was still under his mother's thumb? How?

* * *

Bilbo could not believe his luck. Of all the times, in all the places, his car had to putter out on the side of the road. "You no good, dirty rotten, piece of junk," Bilbo shouted as he kicked the back tire. The worst part was, he was terrible with automobiles.

He knew all about the gas and the brake and the shift gear, but ask him to check his oil and he'd stare at you as if you had three eyes and called yourself Betty.

"The world is conspiring against me," Bilbo bemoaned.

A loud honk of a horn interrupted his melancholy. "Having trouble there?"

Bilbo looked up into the smiling face of a well tanned man with a droopy mustache, driving a tow truck. Well that was highly convenient. "Yes!" Bilbo exclaimed, taking a grateful step towards the driver. "The blasted thing died on me."

"They do that sometimes, don't they?" the man replied, pulling the truck to the side of the road and hopping out. Another man with a rough scar on his forehead and streaks of white in his hair popped out the passenger side.

They both seemed relatively well dressed for mechanics and Bilbo realized that maybe they weren't exactly on duty. "Were you going somewhere?" Bilbo asked, hesitant. He really didn't want to disrupt their plans.

The mustached man just shrugged. "It's alright." He turned towards the other man who was staring at Bilbo as if he were the greatest treasure in the world. "You alright, Bif?"

He whispered in the mustached man's ear and suddenly he was gaping at Bilbo. Bilbo took a step back, not exactly sure what was going on. He really didn't want his car fixed all that much anyway.

"Bilbo Baggins," he breathed out, letting out a laugh. "Why I don't believe my eyes."

"Um…" Bilbo said, not quite sure what to say. "Yes?"

"By my beard! It really is you!"

"I'm sorry, but I don't – "

"It's Bofur!" Bofur – apparently – exclaimed. "And Bifur Broadbeam," he said, pointing at Bifur who was bouncing on his toes. "I'd recognize you if I was spun twenty times, blind folded, and thrown into a blackened room."

Suddenly Bilbo was squashed between two bodies, hugged within every inch of his life.

Oh my.

* * *

**Author's Note: **So... I was suffering from severe writer's block and lovely incubirl on tumblr totally kicked it to the curb, so this chapter is dedicated to her. :)

maniacal laughing. So yeah, I had terrible writer's block, but I overcame! We're just so close guys. SOO CLOSE. Also, Awkward teen Thorin who hasn't grown into his body parts is what gives me life.  
FYI, I'm writing two fics for the hobbit reverse bang, soooo I don't know how often I will be updating this fic. Because I know they're going to take up a lot of my time. But know that lack of updates does not mean I am dead or that I'm giving up on this fic or anything.  
Is that all? I think so...  
Aardvark!


	8. Flamingo Pink: II

"No," Thorin pouted, arms crossed, sitting on his bed as his mother rummaged through his closet. Shirts and trousers had been thrown at him at least a dozen times in the past hour and his patience was beginning to thin.

Freya happily ignored him, pulling out a deep blue button up shirt and smiling broadly. "Perfect!" She placed it beside Thorin, tweaking his nose affectionately.

"Ma," Thorin tried as he unbuttoned the last shirt his mother had declared perfect, and pulled on the new one. "Is this all really necessary?"

She tutted fondly, eyeing her son up and down, clicking her tongue at the state of his hair. "You need to make a good impression," Freya said, rushing into the bathroom and coming back into the room with a hairbrush.

Thorin, refusing to embarrass himself further, snatched the brush away. His mother may have had to dress him, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let her brush his hair like a child.

"You should put it up," Freya commented. "You look so handsome when it's up. More handsome. Do you have cologne?"

He loved his mother, he really did, but right now Thorin really wanted her to disappear and let him die of mortification alone. He got it. He was a sad, lonely, old man. He lived alone, spent most of his free time either watching his nephews or with his family, ignoring all attempts at romantic attachments. He hadn't been on a date in years, hadn't gotten laid in even longer.

But Thorin was fine with that. He was comfortable. At thirty five he was perfectly content with his life. Was he ever going to find someone to spend his life with? At this point, probably not, but Thorin had accepted it.

Unlike his pushy mother. If she wasn't busy trying to set him up on dates with random strangers, she was reminding him how she was old and all she wanted was to see him happily married ("or at least with someone, for heaven's sake you're going to be alone and miserable for the rest of your life, do you really want that?").

Frerin wasn't married either, and Thorin didn't see his mother nagging him every three seconds. Though that was probably because Frerin had a new girlfriend every week. Why had Dis gotten married so young anyway?

"Stop sulking," Freya told him, putting his low ponytail into a messy bun. She smiled at him in the mirror. "Maybe you should shave the beard."

"I'm not shaving," Thorin insisted. He was quite proud of this beard, and not because it drew attention away from his sharp nose. "Are we done now? Can we go? I'd like to face my doom straight on."

"You're so overdramatic," Freya huffed.

* * *

Bofur was as chatty as ever, letting Bilbo know all about his and Bifur's life since Bilbo moved away.

Bilbo hadn't quite remembered them right away, and honestly he really couldn't be blamed. It was nearly thirty years since he'd seen either man, but those eager faces quickly matched up with the two boys Bilbo had been friends with.

"You're quite lucky we found you there, Bilbo," Bofur went on. "Who knows how long you'd have to wait for a tow truck, eh?"

"It was quite coincidental, wasn't it," Bilbo said.

Bifur spoke quietly into Bofur's ear. "Say where you headed anyway?" Bofur asked.

Bilbo looked at Bifur as he answered, figuring it was Bifur's question anyhow. He was never particularly close with Bifur, seeing as he was older and a bit quiet, but at least he had been able to speak to him when it necessitated. Perhaps this was a quirk he had gained after Bilbo had left. "I was invited to a cookout."

"Well, we can drop your car off at the shop and then take you where you need to go," Bofur said. "I'll do the inspection myself tomorrow, if ya don't mind me taking over. Just don't want one of the other fellas to take advantage of you."

Bilbo hummed in consent, finding himself enjoying how Bofur rattled on. Most of his friends were still in Hobbiton, and the only communication he had with them was far and few between. This was nice, having someone to talk to, having someone there to talk him, even if he wasn't adding anything further to the conversation.

He hadn't seen Bofur in ages, and he was still the same as ever. The only difference really was the mustache and the prominent laugh lines etched onto his face.

"That sounds perfect," Bilbo commented. "I really do appreciate you helping me out."

Bofur waved that comment away with, "Pah! What are friends for, right Bif?"

* * *

As his oldest and closest friend, Dwalin felt it was his right to laugh his ass off. "Oh Mahal," he gasped, clutching to his stomach, doubled over as if Thorin was the funniest thing in the world. "Look at you," he wheezed. "Did mummy dress you?"

Thorin's scowl was a clear affirmative. Dwalin guffawed, tears streaming down his face. "She did your hair too," he managed before clutching his side, leaning against a wall. "It hurts, it hurts."

Fili and Kili looked up at Dwalin with concern. Identical puzzled looks on their face as they watched him slowly deteriorate into a cackling mess on the floor.

"You look nice, Uncle Thorin," Kili decided to say, ignoring Dwalin whose laughter grew in volume at the boy's statement. "Do I look nice?" he asked, holding his arms out and spinning around for inspection.

Fili put his finger to his chin, deep in thought. "You should brush your hair," Fili told him.

Kili's hands quickly grabbed his hair as he looked up at his uncle in terror. "Do I look terrible?"

Thorin felt a headache coming on. What was wrong with his family? They were all insane. "Why are you all dressed up?" he asked, ignoring Kili's question because Kili's hair was always a mess, mainly because he wouldn't sit still long enough to work out the knots.

"Mr. Boggins is coming," Fili answered, smug, sticking out his tongue at Kili who stomped his foot in protest.

Kili waved Thorin down to his eye level and whispered in his ear, "I'm wooing Mr. Boggins," a very determined look on his face.

Right. Thorin wasn't sure if he had the heart to tell the little guy that his beloved Gram was trying to get his adored Uncle together with this Mr. Boggins. "Then you should probably brush your hair," Thorin replied.

The boys scampered off, screaming for a hair brush as they went. Thorin looked up and wondered what he had done to deserve this.

Mr. Boggins was the only possible person that his mother was trying to set him up with. He was the only one who was invited who he wasn't actually related to. Hopefully, Mr. Boggins would hate him and he wouldn't have to deal with breaking Kili's heart.

But now that he thought of it, weren't there rules about how close a teacher could get with a student? Certainly going to his _home_ was a clear violation. If anything, Thorin could threaten him with blackmail and then it'll all be over. Yes. Perfect plan. Thorin deserved a cold beer and a pat on the back for that.

"Hello, hello!" came Bofur's excited voice, knocking on the front door as he opened it, Bifur at his heels. "Durin familia, anyone home?"

Thorin shouted, "Everyone's outside!" heading towards the front door, giving Dwalin a swift kick as he passed.

Bofur bounded in, Bifur following, arm wrapped around the shoulders of a short, golden haired man, curls framing his round face just so, face pink in embarrassment.

Oh. Oh! Thorin stumbled over his own feet, staring at the stranger in the doorway. It was the man from the bookstore. The dancing man. The man he scared away with his pathetic small talk. Oh, Yavanna.

Thorin could feel the panic begin to bubble over. Abort! Abort! Why would Bofur bring his beau here? Why did it have to be this man? When did he even get a beau? How dare he try to show off!

"Love at first sight all over again, eh?" Bofur laughed as he grabbed Thorin's arm, bringing them nearly cheek to cheek. From this position Thorin could get a closer look at the man and he heard himself swallow.

Any second now the man was going to recognize him. And then everyone would know about his embarrassing trip to the book store. Perfect. Because Dwalin wasn't already riding his ass about his mum doing his hair.

"What?" Thorin asked, just now registering what Bofur had said.

Bofur looked put out. "Come on, Thorin. You remember Bilbo, don't you? Bilbo Baggins!"

Oh, well that explained everything. "What are you going on about?"

"Bofur, I don't quite understand what you're suggesting," Bilbo Baggins stuttered. "But I can't breathe."

"For Mahal's sake," Bofur exclaimed. "You remember each other, don't you? Bilbo? Thorin?" The lack of answer said it all. "You married each other when you were six!"

Thorin wracked his brain, trying to remember when he had ever gotten marr – "Mahal's hammer," Thorin blurted, staring at Bilbo Baggins. It was him.

IT WAS HIM.

* * *

**Author's Note: **AUGH THEY FINALLY MEET BUT IT'S A CLIFFHANGER. HOW CAN I BE SO HORRIBLE! Truthfully, it was going to end up being a double update, but I contained myself. I'm super looking forward to the next chapter so it might come faster than this one did. Sorry about the long wait, but like I've said, i'm working on quite a bit of fics right now, so yes. Slow updates.

But rejoice in Bilbo and Thorin finally meeting. The next chapter is going to be awkward chats, Dwalin being an unhelpful best friend, Thorin being an jerkwad because what are emotions, and a very confused Bilbo. Also a super gleeful Freya. She can already hear the wedding bells.


	9. Flamingo Pink: III

When Thorin had been a boy, he had had his entire life planned out.

He was going to discover dinosaurs all over the world, and become the world's most famous paleontologist. He'd be a millionaire and live in a giant mansion with enough rooms to house his entire family and he'd own a great big dog, the kind with lots of hair. He would want for naught.

And at the center of that perfect life was Bilbo. In all of his childhood fantasies, Bilbo was always by his side. Bilbo Baggins, with his dazzling smile and perfect dimples, hazel eyes filled with emotion, and a temper just the right blend of sweet and taciturn.

Bilbo had been the center of Thorin's world. The sun and the moon.

They had had only two years together, but what years they were. Never seen without the other, it was always much rarer for someone to call out "Thorin" without "Bilbo" attached. They held true to their marriage vows, thinking of only how to make the other one happy, Thorin especially, fearing that one day Bilbo would find someone better and more suited to his own temperament.

When Bilbo moved away, Thorin's heart shattered into a million pieces. His best friend and one true love had left and Thorin couldn't cope with the abandonment. They had promised forever, but it was impossible, not when they were still children, still dependent on their parents.

They had tried, of course, to keep in touch. There were the phone calls and letters, but they grew fewer and further between, that by the following year, each boy could hardly remember what the other looked like. And as the years passed they forgot each other completely, as small children were wont to do.

Thorin hand grown, molding a new life for himself, one that didn't include Bilbo, and Bilbo had done the same.

But looking at Bilbo now, Thorin felt his chest constrict.

How? How could he forget this boy – man? Even now, Thorin couldn't breathe, the air slowly thinning around him. That feeling he had gotten as a boy returned, the one that felt like he was struck by lightning.

His throat went dry, palms grew clammy, and he was suddenly struck with tunnel vision, the only thing he could see was Bilbo.

Oh god.

"Bofur," Bilbo chided, slipping out from under Bofur's constricting arm. "We talked about the personal space."

How was he not affected in the least, Thorin wondered. Maybe he hadn't heard properly. That had to be it. Meanwhile, he was certain that if Bofur wasn't holding him up, he'd keel over into a dead faint, dignity be damned.

He was in love. Having just met his _childhood_ _husband_, one would question the validity of that statement, but Thorin was indeed head over heels, over the moon, and soaring above the stars in love.

Again.

"Mr. Boggins!" Kili shouted, perfectly brushed hair flying behind him as he bounded towards Bilbo, embracing his teacher's legs, glaring angrily up at Bofur, daring him to put another hand on his teacher.

Bilbo let out an oomph, patting Kili's head. "Hello," Bilbo smiled, allowing himself to be dragged towards the yard.

Once the two had disappeared, Thorin grabbed Bofur by the shoulders, leaning forward so they were merely inches apart. "What is he doing here?" Thorin asked.

"Oh, so ya do remember?" Bofur smiled, completely oblivious to Thorin's mental breakdown.

"Explain," Thorin hissed. "Are you two…?"

"Don't go jumping to conclusions, Thorin," Bofur replied, casually pulling himself out of Thorin's grip. "He's here for you."

Thorin blinked. "Does he remember me?" Thorin asked, breathless. If Bilbo found out that he had forgotten him completely, the man would probably tear into him, especially if he remembered him the whole time.

Bofur shrugged. "I don't think so," he admitted. "Took a while for him to remember who I was. Just give him time."

* * *

"And that's my Uncle Dwalin," Kili finished, pointing out a tall, bald man with an impressive musculature. "He's a dentist." He opened his mouth and showed off his teeth to Bilbo.

"Very nice," Bilbo commented. Kili had made it his mission to point out everyone at the cookout without actually letting him interact with any of them. They were hiding in the kitchen, just behind the sliding glass doors that led to the yard. "I think I ought to greet your mother, Kili."

Kili jumped, fist pumping the air. "Let's go!"

"Yes," Bilbo muttered as Kili took him by the hand and pulled him into the yard where every person – Dwalin, Balin, Kili's father, his mother, Grandmother, Bifur, etc, etc – looked at him as they entered. Bilbo raised his hand and wiggled his fingers in greeting. "Hello."

Kili's grandmother was the first to react, her face breaking out into a large smile, her graying hair pulled into a high ponytail swinging as she rushed to him, arms open. "Bilbo Baggins!" she cooed, grabbing his face, reminiscent of his mother's own greetings. "Look at you."

She let him go and gave him a good once over, nodding as if she came to a final decision. "You're so handsome," she said, tears seeming to pool in her eyes.

"Gram?" Kili asked, pulling on her dress.

"Freya!" Vallis shouted, making his way to his emotional mother in-law. He put a hand on her shoulder and offered the other to Bilbo. "Vallis, Kee's father."

Bilbo took the proffered hand, grateful for someone normal to talk to. "Bilbo Baggins," he introduced. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Da!" Kili complained, shoving Vallis away from his teacher. "Go make burgers or something."

"Aren't you being rude," Vallis said, not budging an inch as his son struggled in his endeavor. Kili shoved and shoved, but it was all in vain. "We're quite happy you could make it," Vallis continued, grabbing Kili and throwing him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

The boy squealed and giggled, flailing his limbs about. "I'll watch over Bilbo," Freya volunteered, putting her hand on Bilbo's elbow, claiming him for her own. "Go throw that rapscallion away," she said over her shoulder, dragging Bilbo away.

Bilbo really wasn't sure what was happening. He could understand Bofur being glad to see him, but Kili's grandmother was overly emotional for being introduced to a stranger. And what was with that man in the hallway? Thorin, if his memory recalled correctly.

Bofur seemed to think they knew each other, and while Bilbo knew him from that EMBARRASSING moment in the bookstore (it seemed avoiding the bookstore didn't help in making sure they never saw each other again), he didn't want to think Thorin went around telling everyone the story.

It didn't help that Thorin was just as damn attractive as he was _that_ day. It was completely unfair. Bilbo would just make a point to avoid him.

"It's been years," Freya remarked, pulling Bilbo along until she sat herself down on a bench by the roses, patting the spot beside her. "How's your mother?"

"I – she's fine," Bilbo answered. "Look, Mrs… er… Kili's Gram."

"Freya."

"Mrs. Freya," Bilbo continued. "I don't quite know – "

What Bilbo didn't quite know wasn't said as his question was cut off by the big man's – Dwalin, Bilbo's mind supplied – yelp as Thorin twisted his arm, shoving him onto the ground. Bilbo swallowed, mouth suddenly dry.

"Thorin!" Freya shouted, more than a little peeved. Thorin looked up from his victory and jumped off of Dwalin quick as could be. "Get over here."

Dwalin guffawed, slapping Thorin on the back, no doubt poking fun at his being caught rough housing like a child. Thorin shoved him away and made his way to Freya.

Bilbo silently wished he had had the foresight to grab something to drink, at least then he'd have something to do with hands, rather than tap his fingers nervously against his thigh. If Bilbo had known that this meeting was going to happen, Bilbo would have preferred sitting in his car for hours waiting for a tow truck.

Once Thorin was an arm's reach away, Freya began fussing over him, swatting his shirt down, brushing off invisible dirt, and pushing strands of hair behind his ears. Thorin put up with it with a patience Bilbo had yet to master.

"I think your father's calling me," Freya suddenly declared, leaving Thorin and Bilbo alone, a hop in her step.

Bilbo rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet, hoping that Kili would find him and pull him away from this awkward situation. What does one say to the man who caught you booty shaking in a book store?

"I'm Thorin. Kili's uncle," Thorin coughed, hands stuffed into his the pockets of his tight jeans. Bilbo tried his best not to stare. It was completely unfair how attractive he was. "I answered that call, when you called – about Kili – that was me."

"Oh, was it?"

"Yeah. Kili's got lots of uncles but… I was that uncle."

"Thank you," Bilbo said, ending the stilted conversation.

Aule have mercy, Bilbo felt like throwing himself away. The man was making an effort and he was over here biting his tongue like an idiot. Any moment now, Thorin was going to realize that he was conversing with the saddest man on the planet and walk away.

He'd hate for him to leave, but he'd love to watch him go.

For Yavanna's sake! He was acting like a lust filled teenager. Bilbo prayed for the suffering to end. Anytime now would be nice.

"You good friends with Bofur?" Thorin asked.

No! Why was he still trying to conversate? Hadn't he had enough?

Bilbo shook his head. "My car sort of – " he rasberried " – and Bofur showed up out of nowhere and then he recognized me or something. I sort of remember him. Apparently we were in the same class once…"

Thorin nodded along to the story, seeming to find the story much more interesting that it really was. Bilbo was telling it and _he_ was bored.

"So… you don't _really_ remember him," Thorin reasoned.

"Well it all sounds vaguely familiar," Bilbo protested. "Kindergarten was ages ago. I'm not going to remember everyone I've ever met, am I."

"Do you remember kindergarten at all?" Thorin asked eagerly.

Bilbo took a step back, shooting him a puzzled look. "I remember Gandalf. He was my teacher. And I remember…" he trailed off, face turning pink.

"What? What do you remember?"

"It's embarrassing," Bilbo admitted, staring down at his shoes. He could feel Thorin's eyes on him and that just made it worse. He ought to just blurt it out and be done with it. Yes. Perfect plan. "I'm pretty sure I was madly in love with this kid in my class." He looked up at Thorin who staring at him eagerly.

"Really?"

"Apparently I married him," Bilbo laughed self consciously. "But that was ages ago. He's probably – " Bofur's words suddenly rang in his head. _You remember each other, don't you? Bilbo? Thorin? You married each other when you were six!_

Oh. OH. Bilbo gaped at Thorin, pointing a timid finger at his broad chest. This was the boy?! This was no boy! This was… he might as well be Aule himself, with that strong jaw, sharp nose, and full beard. He had muscles where Bilbo didn't know muscles existed. He was a god, gracing mere mortals like himself with his presence.

And he was – "You're him!" Bilbo blurted. This… this was not good. He could feel himself getting woozy. Very, very woozy. He just needed a lie down. That's all. Just a nice, graceful fall to the ground.

* * *

Thorin caught Bilbo as he fainted. This was not how he had planned things out. This was the exact opposite of how this was supposed to turn out. "A little help!" he shouted to his family who were, for the first time in his entire life, doing a good job of ignoring him.

Kili was the first person to run up, Fili trailing behind him. "Uncle!" he shouted. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything," Thorin defended himself. He shifted Bilbo, deciding that letting him droop with his arms in the air probably wasn't comfortable. He put an arm behind his back and knees, scooping him up into bridal carry.

He managed to make his way to his sister's living room, placing Bilbo on the couch. Vallis was checking Bilbo's vitals within seconds, Kili at his elbow, making sure his father didn't screw it up.

"What happened?" Dwalin asked.

Thorin shrugged, unsure himself.

"You killed Mr. Boggins!" Kili shouted, hands balled into fists.

"He's not dead, Kee," Vallis told him.

"I didn't do anything!" Thorin exclaimed. "We were talking and he fainted!"

Bilbo began to stir and every Durin turned to him, eager eyes awaiting his arousal. "Bilbo, can you hear me?" Vallis asked. "Fili go get some crackers. His blood sugar might be low."

Bilbo mumbled something, which heartened those watching him.

Dwalin elbowed Thorin in the ribs. "This is probably your best blind date yet."

"Shut up," Thorin growled. The sad thing was, he was totally right.

* * *

When Bilbo awoke, there were at least a dozen smiling faces staring down at him, which did nothing but scare the stuffing out of him. "What's going on?" he asked, trying to sit up but being held down. A cracker was forced into his hand and Bilbo felt obliged to eat it.

"Uncle Thorin almost killed you," Fili said, Kili nodding vigorously next to him, pressing another cracker into his hand. "Da saved you."

"I didn't kill him," Thorin grumbled, standing as far away from Bilbo as possible.

"You did too," Kili argued. He turned to Bilbo, hair whipping him in the face. "I'll protect you," he promised.

Bilbo groaned, pressing a hand to his temple. "Can I have a moment?" he asked the crowd.

He heard, rather than saw, everyone leave, and Bilbo breathed a sigh of relief. Thorin was that kid who gave him the dinosaur toy as a farewell present. And he probably knew the entire time! Bofur certainly did.

No wonder Freya was all over him like he was a long lost son, come to heal her heart. "Water?"

"What?" Bilbo blurted, opening his eyes to see Thorin sitting at his feet, a bottled water in his hands. He didn't seem able to look Bilbo in the eye, and frankly Bilbo didn't blame him. It seemed someone decided Thorin ought to keep watch over him.

Bilbo nodded, sitting up slowly as he took the proffered drink. "Thanks," Bilbo mumbled, gulping down the water.

They sat there in silence for a while, Bilbo distracting himself with the bottle, peeling at the label with his thumb. "I'm sorry for ruining the party," Bilbo finally said.

"We've had worse," Thorin admitted, blanching at the wording. "Not that this is bad. But there was one time – actually I'm going to stop talking. How do you feel?"

"Embarrassed."

"You shouldn't be," Thorin said. "They all blame me anyway." He grinned; it was small but Bilbo could make it out despite how much it tried to hide in Thorin's beard. "I'll leave if you want."

Maybe this was that boy. From what Bilbo could remember, Thorin – kindergarten Thorin – used to fret over him constantly, doing any and everything to make him happy. It seemed that that was what this Thorin was doing now.

Bilbo smiled back. He fainted like an idiot, and yet Thorin was still talking to him. Perhaps he hadn't ruined everything. "Thanks," Bilbo said, holding up the water bottle.

"Anytime," Thorin replied. "Not that – "

"I understand."

"Good."

Bilbo wondered for a moment if Thorin was single. And not straight. But quickly shoved that thought out of his mind. He was reunited with an old friend. He wasn't going to ruin it with romantic thoughts.

Alright, so they were more like dirty thoughts, but Bilbo was only human, and how could he resist when a hot piece of man was smiling at him like that.

Bilbo cleared his throat. "I should probably head home."

"I'll drive you," Thorin offered, standing abruptly. "If you want."

He wasn't flirting. He wasn't being forward. He was just trying to be nice, Bilbo tried to remind himself. "Alright."

That was when Kili bounded into the room, climbing onto Bilbo's lap, shooting dirty looks at Thorin. "I'm coming too," he declared. "I've got to keep you safe, Mr. Boggins."

Thorin looked ready to throttle the child. "I didn't make him faint," Thorin said through clenched teeth. This was clearly an argument he and the boy had had while Bilbo was happily unconscious.

Kili simply stuck out his tongue, cuddling further into Bilbo's arms. "It's okay, Mr. Boggins," Kili whispered rather loudly, not seeming to understand what whispering was about. "I'll make sure Uncle Thorin behaves in a gentelmany manner."

There were times when Thorin loved his nephews, and others where he wanted to throw them away. Kili was currently in the throw away category.

* * *

**Author's Note: **See, I told you I'd update quickly. This chapter is nearly 3000 words because I couldn't stop writing XD

But do you know what this means? Now that they've met they can begin their wacky courtship. Huzzah! Which means introduction of the rest of the dwarves! *happy dance* I'm going to go to sleep now, before I pass out at my computer.

also, I feel like I haven't really been responding to reviews, and i'm sorry about that. I do read them all, and then I forget to reply, but they definitely make me happy and continue to write this. So sorry, like I said. And continue to stay beautiful ;)


	10. Dandelion

Thorin anxiously drummed his fingers on the steering wheel in time to the song playing on the radio. Kili sat in the back, belting out ABBA at the top of his lungs, seemingly unaware of the ear drums he was bursting.

Bilbo held back a laugh as he watched Kili from the rearview mirror, swinging his feet back and forth, hitting Thorin's seat every other kick. The pained look on Thorin's face was proof enough that he was withholding the urge to yell at the boy.

"So…" Bilbo started, feeling that some conversation was better than the off key singing emanating from the passenger row. "ABBA? Does he know every song, or just Waterloo?"

"My mother," Thorin grumbled, "plays nothing but ABBA when she watches the boys. Then records them singing along on her phone so she can properly embarrass them once they're old enough to realize their Gram is a monster."

Bilbo threw his head back and laughed, positive that Thorin was speaking from experience. He wiped at the tears streaming down his face and began to sing along with Kili. "Don't encourage him," Thorin groaned, just as Kili hoorayed.

"Uncle Thorin," Kili said, kicking Thorin's seat for emphasis. "Sing."

"No, thank you," Thorin replied.

"Don't be such a grumpy gills," Bilbo teased, winking back at Kili.

"Uncle knows all the words to all the songs," Kili insisted, just as the song ended. "He's really good at singing." Kili grinned at his uncle, unaware that he was currently embarrassing him. If the Valar existed, Thorin prayed they'd make the ground eat him up, anything to end the pain.

Thorin coughed, lowering the volume on the radio. "Where'd you say you lived again?" he asked, hoping to change the subject. "Underhill Drive?"

Receiving no answer, Thorin risked a look at Bilbo who was smiling contemplatively at him. "What?"

"You're a big softie, aren't you?"

Thorin spluttered. Him? A softie! He wrestled a mountain lion once! Well, the boys thought he did, which was basically the same thing. He was rugged and masculine and not soft at all. Unless Bilbo liked that, then yes, he was a giant marshmallow. "I have no idea what you're talking about," Thorin sniffed, turning onto what he assumed was Bilbo's street.

"Right there," Bilbo said, pointing at a two story house at the corner.

He stepped out of the car as Thorin parked in the drive. "Thanks," Bilbo said as Thorin rolled down the passenger window. "For the ride."

"No problem," Thorin smiled, fingers tapping away on the wheel.

"Unlock the door," Kili complained. Thorin looked over his shoulder to find Kili unbuckled and out of his booster seat, aggressively pulling on the car door handle. "I want to get out."

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going to walk Mr. Boggins to the door."

"Get back in your seat," Thorin ordered.

He sent a helpless look at Bilbo who found the whole situation absolutely endearing. "I don't think he's going to give up," Bilbo noted.

Thorin just wanted to get this day over with. Was that too much to ask? "Let him out," Thorin sighed, unbuckling his own seatbelt and getting out of the car. He wasn't going to be outdone by his five year old nephew.

Which was actually really sad, Thorin thought to himself. Kili was able to make a better impression than he could even dream to achieve. Kili had that cute child factor going for him, so it wasn't like Thorin could even begin to compete with that.

Not that he was competing.

Oh, who was he kidding? He was most definitely competing and totally losing. He clenched his jaw as Kili took hold of Bilbo's hand, hopping and skipping towards the porch.

Bilbo unlocked his front door, leaving Kili and Thorin standing on the porch, one eager and the other miserable. He opened the door slightly, pulling it closed as he turned to Thorin and said, "The class is taking a trip to the pumpkin patch on Wednesday. If you're available, we always need chaperones."

"You should come," Kili exclaimed.

"I know it's a bit last minute," Bilbo rushed out.

"Sounds like fun," Thorin blurted. "I'll be there."

"Perfect!" Bilbo smiled, waving goodbye as he walked into his house, shutting the door behind him.

This was a good first step. Very good. Bilbo wanted to see him again! Thorin picked up Kili and spun him around, tucking him under his arm as he jumped down the porch steps and made his way towards the car.

* * *

Bilbo let his head collapse against the front door. Why had he asked Thorin to chaperone? He should have just asked him out on a proper date, not this underhanded shenanigans. The field trip had plenty of chaperones!

"I'm an idiot," Bilbo groaned.

It's not like he'd even be able to pay him any special attention. He had to watch small children, not flirt with the rugged uncle. How would he even begin to flirt? "Fancy meeting you here."

Well of course he was there. Bilbo invited him! "Just act normal," Bilbo scolded himself, taking off his shoes and padding to his study.

He should have just asked him out – like a normal human being – instead of taking the coward's way out. The man was probably in a relationship. Let's face it, you don't grow up to be that attractive just to be single.

"I'm pathetic," Bilbo moaned, planting his face on his desk. So unbelievably pathetic.

* * *

Thorin avoided the looks of his family, choosing instead to grab a burger and go to the furthest corner of the yard. If they wanted to know how the drive went they could all interrogate Kili. That's why they had let him tag along in the first place.

"You've got it bad," Frerin commented, sitting down beside his brother, handing him a Coke. Thorin simply responded with a glare. "I haven't seen you this worked up about someone since that lifeguard when you were sixteen."

"Shut it," Thorin grumbled.

"Come on. It's funny," Frerin insisted. "Hilarious, actually."

"He thinks I'm an idiot," Thorin admitted.

Frerin gently patted him on the back. "It could be worse," Frerin consoled him. "He could hate you. And you're hot, you don't need to be smart."

Thorin shoved Frerin away. This was why he didn't like his brother. Because if anyone was an idiot, it was that guy, not Thorin. "So can anyone chaperone, or only emotionally constipated Durins?"

Yeah. A complete idiot.

* * *

"Looks like you've got a bad cooling fan," Bofur said, wiping his dirty hands on his shirt as he came out from the garage and into the waiting room Bilbo was sitting in. "Shouldn't take too long to fix."

"Bless the gods," Bilbo sighed, deciding now was a good time to slink down in his seat. "You're a saint, Bofur."

Bofur grinned, running an embarrassed hand through his hair. "Looks like you'll have your car in time for that field trip, eh?"

It took a moment for Bilbo to understand just what Bofur was talking about. Had Thorin told him about his bad ploy at keeping him around? Probably went home and told everyone how completely enamored Bilbo was of him. He probably accepted just to be polite.

Perfect. Just perfect. Bilbo was quite prepared to die from mortification.

Instead he simply cleared his throat and asked, "Kili tell you all about it?"

"Oh sure," Bofur replied easily, as if Bilbo wasn't bursting with unnamed terror. "That kid loves pumpkins. And Halloween. He loves just about anything really."

Bilbo chuckled along with Bofur. Maybe they didn't know he had invited Thorin along like the desperate man he was.

"Thorin's looking forward to it too," Bofur said.

Or not. "Is he?" Bilbo questioned, his voice rising to dangerous decibels.

"Course!" Bofur declared. "Though, Bilbo. I think you ought to just ask him out."

There it was. Goodbye world. If Bofur could tell that Bilbo had been coming on to him – and he wasn't even there, mind – well then, Bilbo considered it all quite nice if he was struck down. He led a good life. A bit boring in some places, but relatively good.

"I'll keep that in mind," Bilbo muttered, setting back down in his seat. If only it was that easy.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Yeah! New chapter! Woo! I am on fire! Next chapter is the pumpkin patch chapter. AHAHAHAHA. I've got all these chapters planned in my head and I can't wait because you're all going to scream at me. In a good way. Good screaming.

So updates on life! Got a job *high fives the world* So chapters will once again be up in the air as to prompt updates, but like I said, I have the next couple of chapters planned so hopefully I'll be able to keep it weekly updates. Hmm... what else? I think... that's it! Cool!


	11. Pumpkin

"Hurry it up!" Thorin yelled from the kitchen, helping himself to his sister's coffee machine, inhaling the beautiful aroma of freshly ground coffee beans. His own coffee machine was a complete crapper and he sorely regretted buying her the thing last Christmas. If only he had been selfish, just once in his life, and kept the darn thing.

He downed the cup in two gulps, shouting again, "We're gonna be late! And we've got to pick up Gimli!"

"Don't rush 'em," Dis said as she walked into the kitchen, still clad in her pajamas. "They've got little legs."

"Little legs my eye," Thorin grumbled. "You should see them run when I tell them we're getting ice cream." He served another cup of coffee and held it out to Dis, who was stifling giggles with her hand. "What?"

She burst out into laughter, taking the proffered cup and setting it on the table before she dropped it. "Look at you!" she exclaimed, waving her hand at him.

Thorin looked at himself. He thought he looked pretty good, thank you very much. Boots, jeans, shirt: it was a classic look. He was proud of it. Perhaps he fussed a little longer this morning, but if he did, that was his own business.

"You're all dressed up!" she continued. "That shirt's brand new."

"Is not," Thorin countered. "Had it for years. It's my favorite shirt."

Dis walked right up to him and pulled the tag off the back of his shirt, holding it up for Thorin's inspection. Thorin scowled, crumbling the tag and shoving it in his pocket. "I bought you that shirt," Dis said. "Last year. You said you didn't like thermal shirts."

"It's chilly out," Thorin argued, stepping around his sister and towards the doorway. "Come on you beasts!"

Vallis stumbled into the kitchen, Kili on his back, Fili on his leg. "I've brought the rascals," he declared with a grin. He looked at Thorin and got a cheeky look in his eye as he said, "You look nice. Hot date?"

"Of for the love of – I'm dressed normally!"

"Uncle's coming to the pumpkin patch with me," Kili shouted in his dad's ear.

Thorin smiled, ruffling Kili's hair and lifting him off of Vallis. "If you don't hurry up, we're going to be late and we won't catch the bus in time."

Kili's eyes went wide as he scrambled out of the room for his backpack, Fili following, making a competition out of who could get ready the fastest. "Don't forget your jackets!" Thorin called after them. Someone had to. Their parents were too concerned with his love life to give a hoot about their sons' warmth.

* * *

Bilbo was not nervous. He wasn't fretting. He was perfectly fine.

Only Thorin was wearing the tightest shirt in the world and it was driving him insane. The minute he walked into his class room with Kili and Gimli in tow, Bilbo knew he had it bad. Seriously, did he have to be all muscly and bearded? He looked like a model for heaven's sake. A rugged, lumberjack, model. Who was also probably a porn star.

He really had to get a hold of himself. It was unseemly to drool over his student's uncle, especially while surrounded by a dozen or so students and their parents. Two parents. And one uncle. One extremely hot uncle. An extremely attractive uncle who was great with kids and had a great ass.

"Stop it, you," Bilbo muttered under his breath, lightly kicking a small pumpkin.

"I'll try," Thorin responded, much to Bilbo's surprise. He nearly jumped in the air, stumbling over loose dirt. Thorin reached out and grabbed him before he could fall, holding Bilbo up by his elbows.

Bilbo swallowed as he looked up at his savior. He really was gorgeous. Yavanna help him. "Thanks," Bilbo coughed as Thorin set him back on his feet.

The two stood there, watching the boys run around, choosing pumpkins, changing their minds, and then finding others they wanted. It was really quite relaxing, as far as field trips go, it was the least stressful. All he had to do really was make sure no one wandered off and that they made it to the bus on time.

"Sorry," Thorin blurted out. "For startling you."

"It's fine," Bilbo replied. "I should probably stop talking to myself." He chuckled self consciously. Ah yes, perfect small talk. What other bad habits did he have that he could admit to? Just tell him you talk to your plants as well while you're at it.

Thorin chuckled awkwardly. Bilbo wanted to die. "I wanted to thank you," Thorin tried, hands shoved in his back pockets (Bilbo tried not to look, considering those jeans were practically painted on him), staring off at Kili and Gimli fighting Legolas off of the large pumpkin they had claimed as their own. "For inviting me. Offering to – letting me come," Thorin continued, biting off each sentence.

He growled, taking a hand and running it through his hair, pulled back into a half ponytail (Bilbo never realized he had a thing for long hair until this moment), looking at Bilbo with a pained face. "I'm horrible at conversation," Thorin admitted.

Then suddenly it hit him. Thorin was just as nervous as he was. Why would he be nervous? _Probably because you're a terrible flirt and he's embarrassed for you_, a little voice nagged in Bilbo's ear. "What do you do?" Bilbo asked. "For work, I mean. Not what do you do about your bad conversation skills, not that they're bad or anything, I think you're doing a splendid job. Not boring at all. Aule, please shut me up."

Thorin chuckled, shuffling an inch or two closer to Bilbo. "Thanks, I think," he said. "I'm a park ranger. At Erebor Park."

Bilbo lit up, barely noticing the way Thorin stiffened as he revealed his occupation. "Really? That's so cool," Bilbo exclaimed. "I have a friend that works there. You know Beorn?"

Thorin breathed a sigh of relief as he nodded enthusiastically. "He's my boss."

"That must be heaps of fun," Bilbo went on. "Being outside all day, taking care of animals and saving forests. You do that right?"

"Something like that," Thorin smiled, his grin getting wider as a blush bloomed on Bilbo's cheeks. "If Kili tells you I wrestled a mountain lion, he's not lying."

Bilbo guffawed at that, not doubting for a second that Thorin could take on a mountain lion. If he was the lion he'd faint at the manliness Thorin exuded. "I can only imagine that conversation," Bilbo admitted, wiping tears from his eyes.

"He and Fili are convinced that's all I do all day," Thorin continued. "They drew a picture once. I have it taped to my computer at work."

"As a reminder of your victory?"

"More like so I can avoid all mountain lions," Thorin said.

* * *

He was laughing. He was laughing at his jokes. Praise Mahal and braid his beard, this was all going brilliantly! Now he had to casually ask him out on a date. Simple!

But what if it was pity laughter? What if he felt sorry for him? Thorin couldn't live if he knew Bilbo was just humoring him. He just had to stop his mind from going down that road. Bilbo was flirting back with him. This was good.

"What are you going to do with the pumpkins?" Thorin asked.

"We're going to decorate them when we get back to school," Bilbo answered. "Then the boys will bring them home on Halloween."

He broached the subject! Perfect. Now Thorin had to segway, nice and easy. Don't scare him off. Just casually mention it… "Bofur's having a party on Halloween," Thorin blurted, wishing he could hide his head in the dirt. That was completely subtle.

Bilbo looked up at Thorin in confusion. "Oh?" he asked.

"Yeah," Thorin plowed on. He started the damn conversation and the Valar help him, he was going to finish it. "After the boys are done trick or treating, he's having a thing. A party. Costumes and what not. Do you want to go? With me. Would you like to come with me to Bofur's Halloween party? As my date. It's a date."

Bilbo gaped at him. Smooth. Pull over Casanova, there was a new heart breaker in town and his name was Thorin "Biggest Idiot in the World" Durin. "You don't have to," Thorin tried. "I just thought – I should probably make sure Kili doesn't kill Gimli."

He made his way to Kili who was shoving a pumpkin that was twice his weight into Gimli's outstretched hands. That was only going to end in disaster. It was about time he stopped badly flirting and did his actual job: chaperoning.

Why did he think this was a good idea again? That's right, because his family was the worst, that's why. Just because you marry a guy when you're six doesn't mean you're soulmates or something stupid like that.

"Wait!" Bilbo called out, jogging to catch up to Thorin. "Hold on. Thorin!"

Thorin stopped suddenly and felt Bilbo bump into his back. He turned around quickly to catch Bilbo, but he was perfectly fine, smiling up at Thorin. "I'd love to go to Bofur's thing with you. As a date."

"Really?"

"Yes," Bilbo blushed. "Very much."

Thorin felt like hooting for joy. Bilbo accepted his date. He and Bilbo were going on a date. He was so happy, he didn't even notice Gimli topple over, a pumpkin pinning him down.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Yes, I reused a chapter title from Color Me Mine. But this ch actually has to do with pumpkins. And I literally just finished writing this a half hour before I have to leave for work! Yay! I hope you liked the chapter.

Also, if you can think of great costumes for Thorin and Bilbo (even if they're couple costumes), it'd be much appreciated. Because all I can think of are like.. Antony and Cleopatra. XD


	12. Blood Orange: I

Thorin crept silently in the basement, opening a large plastic tub labeled **COSTUMES** and pulling out years worth of Halloween clothes. He quickly garnered a pile of old costumes, his frustration beginning to grow when he couldn't find the one he was looking for. He knew it was in there. It had to be.

A soft squeak of floorboard above his head caused Thorin to halt his search, looking up towards the ceiling, praying for the person to walk away, and whoever it was, let it not be Dis. After a few minutes, Thorin felt it was safe enough to search once more, and dug back into the box with quiet gusto.

He let out a silent whoop as he found the costume he was searching for, stuffing it into his duffel bag. He put the rest of the clothes to rights in the container and put it back behind the stairs, proud of himself for not getting caught.

Five minutes later he was entering his sister's house as if he hadn't been crawling around in the basement for half an hour. "Morning!" he called, smiling down at Fili and Kili who ran into his legs, already dressed in their matching costumes.

It was a Durin tradition, started by his mother, for the family to wear matching costumes every year, and unfortunately, Dis took it to heart, dragging her older brothers into the charade despite their age. This year was X-Men, which was rather tame compared to last year. Last year Thorin had to dress as a dwarf.

And not just any dwarf, oh no, he had to be Grumpy from Snow White. The year before that he was a flying monkey, and before that Captain Hook, and before that a crayon. It was, needless to say, embarrassing.

There had only been one costume he liked, one that he had locked safely in the back seat of his car, one that he was going to change into the second he was relieved of trick or treat duty.

"I'm X-Man!" Kili shouted, twirling so his long coat fluttered behind him.

"It's X-Men," Fili said, lifting his plastic visor so he could see in a color other than red. "And that's the name of the group, not the hero."

Kili stuck his tongue out, throwing a playing card at Fili's face. "I'm X-Man," he insisted.

"You're Gambit, Kee," Thorin said patiently, digging through the fridge for breakfast. "He manipulates energy." At the blank stare by his nephew, Thorin clarified, "He's really cool."

"Cool!" Kili shouted.

"Cyclops is better!" Fili argued.

Thorin tuned out their fighting, waiting for Dis to make her dramatic entrance so he could drive the monsters to school. He wanted to confirm the time he was going to pick up Bilbo, and yes, while he could call or text Bilbo, there was something about meeting face to face that was nice.

"I've got your costume, Thor," Dis chirped as she entered the kitchen, said costume in her arms. "You're going to look amazing."

Thorin clenched his jaw at the nickname, glaring at the yellow and blue monstrosity being handed to him. He really rather wouldn't, thank you. "I've been thinking," Thorin started, but quickly bit his tongue at the hurt look on Dis' face.

"I didn't go to sleep until two last night, finishing that up," Dis said. "We've been planning this costume for weeks. You are going to be Wolverine if it kills me. Now go try it on."

He trudged towards the closest room and stripped out of his uniform and into the Wolverine getup. When he stepped back into the kitchen, he did nothing to hide his grimace. He looked ridiculous.

Dis clapped her hands excitedly. "You look amazing."

Fili and Kili gaped at their uncle. "I want to be Wolverine!" they shouted at the same time, jealous at how cool Thorin looked.

"I'm not wearing this to Bofur's party," Thorin declared.

"Thorin," Dis chastised.

"No. I've got to make a good impression, and I won't be able to do that dressed like this," Thorin argued. "Bilbo would laugh me out of the room."

Dis sighed, taking in the sight of Thorin in the skin tight suit. Honestly, she didn't know what the fuss was about. Thorin looked good. He looked good enough to ravage. If she were Bilbo, she wouldn't be able to keep her hands off of him. But seeing as they were siblings, that was actually really gross. "Bilbo would want to climb you like a tree," Dis said instead.

"Bilbo?" Fili asked. "Kee, isn't that your teacher?"

"Mr. Boggins?" Kili questioned. "Does Mr. Boggins like climbing trees?"

"Alright!" Thorin shouted, pulling off his face mask, hair tumbling out behind him. "I'm going to change. You monsters be ready in five or I'm leaving without you."

Dis stopped him as he tried to escape. "You're wearing this tonight," Dis told him. "Don't try to get out of it."

"I won't," Thorin huffed, side stepping her and nearly bumping into Vallis, wearing his Nightcrawler costume.

"You look good!" Vallis exclaimed. "How do I look?"

Thorin ignored him, but the excited shouts from Fili and Kili answered Vallis' question. Thorin really hated Halloween.

* * *

Bilbo's favorite holiday was probably Halloween. Christmas was a close second, but nothing topped the excitement and terror that Halloween brought. Watching the décor turn orange and brown along with the changing colors of the trees was poetic to him. It made things symmetrical.

But despite his earlier eagerness, Bilbo felt a pit of anxiety bloom in the back of this throat, waiting for him to vomit It out in the most humiliating way possible. He almost wished he hadn't agreed to the date with Thorin.

A party was a rather brilliant first date, if Bilbo stopped to think about it. There was no pressure to be anything or do anything, just stand around, complain about the music, and eat the snacks they had lying around, little finger foods that wouldn't up any guest, even if they ate trayfulls. Plus it was a Halloween party, which meant costumes.

Which was the root of the problem. Bilbo had planned his Halloween costume ages ago, but now that he wasn't just going to be dressed up for 6 year olds, he was slightly embarrassed to be seen dressed as a bumblebee.

Thorin would take one look at him and laugh him out of the room. The man was probably going to be something generic, like a vampire, or a cowboy. Though despite how typical those costumes were Bilbo couldn't help but drool at the thought of Thorin in chaps or a long cape.

Woah, okay, Bilbo had to take a step back and douse himself in ice cold water. The point being that bumblebee, attractive did not make. Just because he taught children didn't mean he wanted to look like one.

He spent weeks trying to come up an alternative costume, and Bilbo felt rather proud of himself once he found one. Bumblebee in the morning, Roman emperor in the evening. Perfect.

The best part was that Thorin would be none the wiser. Unless Kili mentioned it. That would be highly embarrassing, but Bilbo could always explain the change easily.

Bumblebees were for children, emperor's were for muscular men who could do whatever they wanted to Bilbo.

Okay, Bilbo needed to reset his mind. He was going to go outside and greet children, for Aule's sake.

He straightened his antennae as he bounced on his feet in the courtyard, smiling at his students who were dressed up as everything from super heroes to vampires. The excited squeals of students brought a smile to his face, especially when all the boys said that Bilbo had the best costume.

Maybe the costume wasn't good enough for a hot date, but it was certainly perfect for eager 6 year olds.

"Mr. Boggins!" came the cry, and Bilbo looked up from his watch, only to feel his face go red as Thorin marched behind Fili and Kili, both boys dressed as… super heroes? Bilbo wasn't very good at those sorts of things. Fili looked like Cyclops so… X-Men characters?

"Good Morning, Kili," Bilbo said, avoiding looking at Thorin who was staring at his bumblebee costume. "And who are you dressed up as?"

"I'm X-Man," Kili said seriously. Of course, he had no idea who he was.

Thorin coughed, placing a hand on Kili's shoulder. "You're Gambit, remember."

"Yeah," Kili agreed, nodding his head sagely. "He throws cards at people and they die." He pulled an ace of diamonds out of his pocket and threw it at Fili who swatted the card away, deciding that hanging out with his baby brother was no fun and went looking for his own friends.

"Just don't do that in class," Bilbo said, risking a look at Thorin who was holding back a smirk. "What?" he asked him.

Thorin shook his head, flicking at one of Bilbo's antennae. "You're a bee," he said.

"Yes," Bilbo said with a straight face. "Bees are favorite important. You should respect bees."

"Oh, I do," Thorin replied. "You look…"

Stupid. Like a child. Undateable. Did he have to trail off? Bilbo would rather he just spit it out already, instead of wracking his brain for a proper adjective.

"Cute," Thorin finished, clearing his throat as he looked away. "So is eight fine? To pick you up."

"Yes," Bilbo readily agreed. "I won't be a bee then, I promise."

"That's too bad," Thorin mumbled almost too quietly for Bilbo to hear, but hear Bilbo did. Oh that man was going to be the death of him. "I'll see you later then."

Bilbo nodded, watching as Thorin slowly walked back to his car.

* * *

Frerin held two pumpkins filled to the brim with candy, flashing smiles at all the single mothers who were clearing checking him out. Maybe Dis would let him pretend that one of the boys was his kid. At least long enough for him to make a play.

A whack in the back of the head caused Frerin to trip making him nearly drop his cargo. "Watch it!" he shouted.

Thorin just ignored him, snatching the candy from his hands and putting it in the car. "Where'd Dis say they were going?" he asked, cursing, once again, the fact that his stupid costume didn't have pockets. Frerin's costume had pockets.

"Think she said she was going down Bellamy Ave," Frerin stated, stretching his arms so all the ladies could see his rippling muscles. He was really digging this Sabretooth costume. Plus the fur made him feel like a million bucks.

With a nod, Thorin headed down towards Bellamy, picking up his pace as Frerin jogged behind him. It was nearly eight and Thorin didn't want to be late. That would look bad on him. Maybe he could call Bilbo and let him know that trick or treating was running a bit late. That'd be the polite thing to do, anyway. He didn't want Bilbo think he was standing him up.

A wolf whistle cut through the air and Thorin ignored it, just as he had been all night. This costume was ridiculous. "It's not that bad," Frerin said beside him. "You should be flattered that everyone wants to do dirty things to you. I know I am. For me. Not you. I'm flattered for myself."

"You're digging a hole," Thorin muttered.

"Dis says you plan on changing for your date," Frerin said. "I don't know why. The second Bilbo sees you like this, there goes his pants."

"I'm not like you, Frer," Thorin grumbled. "I don't want to just bed him."

"You make me sound like a whore," Frerin pouted.

"You are," Thorin joked, putting an arm around his brother's shoulders and putting him into a headlock, giving him a noogie.

"The hair!" Frerin complained, completely at the mercy of his stronger and older brother.

Dis held up two more pumpkins in her hands as she saw her brothers coming towards her. "We've got two more!" she shouted, her cape flapping behind her. She made a really good Storm.

Thorin released his brother and took the other pumpkins. "I've got to go soon," he said.

"We'll finish up this street and then we can pick up Bilbo."

"_I'm_ picking up Bilbo," Thorin said. "I'm not being chauffeured by you like a teen on his first date."

"You're acting like one," Frerin mumbled, only to be grabbed Thorin once again, pumpkins held in one hand.

"You better not change out of that costume," Dis warned. "If you're not Wolverine at Bofur's party, I'll shoot you."

Thorin let go of Frerin, leaning in close to Dis, hoping that she'd catch the hysteria in his voice. "I can't do it, Dis. I'll be in costume, but not Wolverine, please," Thorin begged.

* * *

Dis found the duffel bag in the back of his car and promised to give it back at the party, where Thorin could officially change. But first they all had to show up and show off.

So Thorin self consciously parked his car in Bilbo's drive and trudged up the steps, spotting a bowl full of chocolate bars sitting on a table by the door, a piece of paper taped to the siding, **Please take one**, written in neat handwriting.

Thorin rang the doorbell, pulling at his costume in an attempt at modesty. Mahal above, it left nothing to the imagination, did it.

The door flung open and Bilbo stared up at Thorin, mouth agape. "Hi," Thorin greeted, clearing his throat as he ripped off his mask. "You, ready?"

Bilbo nodded dumbly, shutting the door behind him as he followed Thorin to his car.

"Nice toga," Thorin said as he started the car.

Bilbo flushed, hiding his knobbly knees under the aforementioned toga. "Wolverine," Bilbo croaked. "Nice. You look nice."

"I look like an idiot," Thorin grumbled. "But Dis does this thing, every year, where she gets us all to wear matching costumes when we take the boys trick or treating, and I've had to wear the most horrendous costumes known to man. This has made it onto the list."

"You look good," Bilbo said. "Better than my bumblebee."

"I liked your bumblebee," Thorin said, smiling at Bilbo. He tapped his fingers anxiously on the steering wheel, glancing at Bilbo every so often as they drove along.

"How was your day?" Thorin finally asked, deciding that small talk was good, especially when Bilbo lit up and told him all about the costumes his students wore and all the pictures he took.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I tried writing this last night, hated it, and rewrote it all this morning. And it's not even done, because i could keep writing for a thousand years. So this chapter is broken into two. I'm going to put up the Halloween party chapter up either on or before Halloween, I promise. I just really wanted to get this ch up before i went to work.

OH MY GOD, SO YOU GUYS GAVE ME A BAJILLION THOUSAND BRILLIANT IDEAS. So thank you all for your suggestions. I hope you ended up liking what I came up with. I honestly just wanted to see Thorin as Wolverine. Group costumes are so hard to come up with. For reals. Also, Thorin's change into costume is great. I promise. You're gonna die.  
But don't get too comfortable, because things will be happening, also, Dwori will be happening. So prepare.


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